"Sometimes I think about you
and my heart breaks, again.
Even now.
Even still."
- Catarine Hancock
Dear you,
The first time I had spoke to you in nearly 8 months was the day my grandmother died. I left the hospital that day in tears, and my first instinct was to call you. Even after all of this time, you were who I needed. But I couldn't call, I couldn't text, I couldn't hear you telling me my pain now was not going to last. I begged for you, I pleaded to God about how much I needed you.
You only called because my friend knew you were the only thing that would help me and had texted you. As soon as you called I felt peace. I knew I was going to be okay because even after all of this time, you called. Even from her vague text you knew I needed you. Before you even said hello I had understood, accepted, and learned from my pain. That's the peace you bring me. Just you. There is nothing or no one that brings me the calmness that you do.
I haven't spoke to you since that night, at least not in a full conversation. You said she couldn't know we had spoke, that she would start an argument, and that you didn't want to lose her. I understand, as much as I hate to admit it, I do, but what you don't understand is how much I long to have you back in my life, how lost I feel without you, and how empty I feel without your smile and laughter filling my life. I feel what you're scared to feel.
Every night I make sure to leave my ringer on just in case you call again. I never want to miss a call because for those few fleeting moments I get to hear my happiness, my sweet boy who forever owns my heart.
Please remember us, please remember those late night conversations about no one thing, please remember the nights you spent telling me about the life you wanted with me. Please remember that I was the first girl who listened.
Sincerely and Forever,
me.
