Hoping for Hannah

10. Smile, laugh and breath

A/N sorry for any errors this is very unedited. :)

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10. Smile, laugh and breath

Isaac was sitting on the staircase his head stuck in a book. I put my head down and tried to walk past him as fast as possible. I was thinking of turning back but to get to my locker I had to pass him. I wasn't in the mood to talk to him right now or anyone for that matter. I couldn't bear the thought of more cryptic conversations and anyone seeing me like this. I stuck to the far wall attempting my hardest to go unnoticed. Unfortunately, I was never any good at not standing out in a crowd.

Isaac's head snapped up from his book and his eyes bored into mine. Other then their intense green there was only one word to describe them; they were soft. They screamed this gentle, softness that drew you in and kept you there.

"Hi Hannah," he said from the stair. I forced a smile.

"Hi Isaac," I replied. He stared at my face for a long time, carefully examining my features before he slowly woke up and walked toward me. His long strides allowed him to close the gap between us in a matter of seconds

"What happened HannyBanny? What's wrong?" he asked using the nickname he used when we were little. The memories that emerged from that word were too much to think about. The memories were filled with tickle wars; lemonade stands to buy water guns and afternoons of hectic chocolate addictions. It was sweet memories of a time I wish I could jump into but that wasn't the way the world worked. It hurt to think about how little control I had of my own life. When you are younger, your biggest worries could seem like a mountain. However, when you are little the mountain feels like it could be overcome because you're burning with an undying hope. What no ones tells you when you are growing up; is that the candle does die out. Slowly at first but then surely the light will flicker off. Leaving you with nothing but darkness in life.

"Nothing," I chocked the word out as my throat threatened to close up on me.

"Hannah," he said sternly now so I was forced to look at his face. "Maybe we drifted apart, maybe you don't want to talk to me but I'm no idiot. You can tell me you don't want to talk to me but don't tell me nothing's wrong, I know you better than that," how was that? How did this boy that I used to know, understand me better than Zach.

"I...I don't know..." I started but couldn't finish. His arms were around me in a heartbeat and before I knew it I was crying. They were hot, huge tears that cascaded down my face. My entire body shook with the effort it took to just cry. I kept telling myself to stop, but tears were like chocolate, you can't stop once you've started. I didn't even realize it when Isaac slightly lifted me off the ground and walked into the classroom. My head was buried in the crook of his neck until his shirt was drenched and there were no more tears left to shed.

I couldn't catch my breath and was gulping like some crazy fish out of water. Isaac didn't say anything for which I was grateful. He just held me; he whispered 'shhh' calmingly. He didn't tell me to stop, he didn't say 'everything is going to be alright' and for that I was more than thankful. I wasn't looking for lies, I wasn't sure what I was looking for anymore.

I felt so weak for crying, so pathetic. So even when the tears stopped, i kept my embarrassed face hidden from him on his shoulder.

"Hannah," he whispered eventually after a long time. His voice was gentle, calming but it wasn't laced with pity. I finally looked up at him, probably looking like a mess. At least I was too tired to put makeup on today; it would have gotten smudged anyway.

I looked around realizing that we were in the music room, he led me to the piano stool, which was the closest seat. We sat down, pressed up next to each other because the stool was so small.