Hoping for Hannah

5. Confessions of love and lust.

I woke up to sunlight streaming through the window. My eyes squinting as the light flooded to my pupils. I shut them immediately but the light turned my eyelids red and I wasn't able to sleep anymore. I looked up and surveyed my surroundings. I was in a bed that was much bigger then mine, my head was resting on a chest and the walls were a dark blue. This wasn't my room but I recognized it immediately, I've spent countless days in here 'studying.'

I looked up at Zach's face that was calm and clearly asleep. I untangled myself from his arm and walked to the bathroom, tip toeing so that I didn't wake him up.

I looked at myself in the mirror with disgust. My makeup was all smudged and my hair was an uncontrollable tangled mess. I tried to smooth it out just as the door opened to the bathroom and Zach walked in.

"Sorry to wake you," I told him and he just shrugged his shoulders.
"What's the time?"
"5 or 6 something. or maybe 7," he replied casually.

Shit, I'm going to be late for school How could I let this happen? I peered at him through the mirror and he had looked absolutely calm. Of course he's calm, the teachers always let the team take a day off after the game if they need to recover, especially after a win. What was my excuse?

'Miss, umm... I got drunk last night and fell asleep in my boyfriends house. Oh and also his feet hurt after the game yesterday which by the way they won.' Yup, I'm sure the principal would be totally fine with that. I brushed my teeth frenziedly so that I could attend first period.

He turned around and took his top off and I immediately felt my heart rate increasing, for all the wrong reasons. He was about to take his pants of as well when I yelled, "What are you doing?"

He smiled cheekily, "Taking a shower babe, care to join me?" No, I wanted to say but I just stood there.

"You know I think it's about time we talk about the next step and the future again, he walked up to me and I could hear my heart pounding so loud I swear he could hear it to.

He took my hands into his, "I love you," he said and brought them to his lips. He just told me he loved me for the first time, while I looked like this. Was I still drunk from last night or is hallucinations a side effect of a hangover that I wasn't aware of?

This was the part that I told him 'I love you too, truly and deeply with all I have.' but I just stood there. He kissed each finger and I never realized how much I hated it when he did that. He looked up at me and just waited. Waited for me to tell my boyfriend of 2 years that I loved him but did I? I could see his jaw clenching, his eyebrows knitting together, his hands grabbing mine harder. I knew the signs by now and I knew I didn't want him to be angry. Sure, I guess I did love him. I mean I liked him more then my parents like each other and they were co-existent in semi happiness, so why can't Zach and I. Maybe love is about familiarity, maybe it is about the guy you has put up with you for 2 years without letting you go, without hurting you. He was the best thing in my life there was no doubt about that. He has given me happiness, security, confidence so why the hell can't I give him love? I did love him I decided, how could I not?

"I love you too," I blurted out loud and his mood immediately shifted as his grip loosened and his jaw unclenched. He smiled at me and engulfed me in a hug. This was not how I pictured telling someone I loved them for the first time but unfortunately I don't live in a Nicholas Sparks novel and things don't go perfectly.

"Since we love each other..." he dragged as he leaned down to remove his pants again.

"Umm...I have to go home and then get to school. I have a test first period," I lied "and I need to attend it or I'll fail and I can't afford to." I was surprised how easily the lies fell from my lips, move over Pinocchio there's another compulsive liar in town.