They Vowed: 'Til Death Do Us Part?

Chapter 4: Ocean Eyes

Clare

I shouldn't be smoking. Everytime I try to stop, stress invades me and I give in. It's such a nasty habit, but it calms me whenever I start to feel my anxiety overcoming me. Usually fights with Matt or even him staying away too long triggers my stress. I know it will eventually build overtime and I'll have an attack. I can always feel one coming in the distance, like it's forever lingering there on the horizon. All it takes is one more thing for it to finally hit me. When it does its unbearable. I wouldn't wish that shit on anyone to be honest.

I'm finished so I put the cigarette butt in the ash bin outside my bar and go back inside. Closing times at 3am and its near now. I fear leaving. I know Katie will be with me but I hate having to be a nuisance to her. I know she says she doesn't mind but she has her own life to deal with. I just wish Matt would come home soon. There's only so much of him being gone that I can take.

The bar is about empty now. Katie is putting away her equipment and cleaning her area of drinks now. The jukebox is playing for now. The last couple people at the bar will be leaving soon. Only 20 more minutes til we close. I walk behind the bar and start to help Ben clean up trying to keep my mind off everything.

"Any last orders before we close up, gentlemen? Ben asks the last 2 guys who are talking at the bar.

"No, we are just leaving. Have a good night, Ben. Clare." They nodded at me and get up to leave. They are regulars here and stay until closing every night.

"Have a nice night," I say as I smile at them.

Once we are all done cleaning and putting everything away, we begin turning out the lights. We walk out together into the cold night. The cold feels welcoming to me. I love the crisp fresh air. It helps clear my mind.

"Good night, girls," Ben says and he hugs us one by one. He heads across the street to his car after we tell him good night.

"Good thing your driving because I'm wasssttteddd!" Katie sings towards the end.

I laugh at her and I just love her. She can always make me feel better. We have been friends for years and she just gets me completely. I couldn't ask for a better friend. Her personality is definitely bubbly and I envy her that. She is more of a social butterfly, while I am more introverted. I connect with only a few people. I don't let too many people get close to me but when I do I'm loyal and determined for the people I do let in.

Katie won me over immediately. I can usually tell if I'm gonna like someone right away. Katie was one that I just knew I would like right away. She has this genuine smile that touches her eyes and she would do anything for anyone.

She is so pretty too. She is the girl next door kinda of pretty. She doesn't even have to try. Her golden blonde hair is super wavy and long. Its the same length as mine, to her lower back. Her eyes are a light blueish gray. They almost are reflective in certain lighting.  She has dimples which enhance her smile. I would be lying if I said I didn't envy her beauty.

"You're crazy, girl," I say as we get into my car. I am doing pretty well at the moment with the bar and with working at the beauty shop downtown. I do that during the morning at least 4 days a week. I like to keep myself busy and I love doing hair. It makes me so happy. Its a wonderful escape. With my 2 incomes I'm pretty comfortable. Don't get me wrong, I'm not rich or anything but I'm not struggling either. So I have indulged a bit and got a car that I truly love. Its an older black Camero. Its a 1970. It's in perfect condition. I had to get a loan for it. But its my dream car so it was totally worth it. My credit is pretty good so that helped.

"Are you gonna take care of me?" Katie asks now that we are heading towards my house. She has this fake pouty face on as she looks at me.

"Of course I will," I smile at her and then look back towards the road.

It doesn't take us long to get to my house. It's about 15 minutes from my bar. We live in the suburbs. I pull into the drive way, hit the button to open the garage and park inside. Our house is like you would imagine any middle class house to be. Its blue and has a nice front yard and a fenced in backyard. Its 2 stories and has 3 bedrooms and 2 baths. Hopefully, the other rooms will get use if we ever decide to start a family. Right now the future doesn't seem too bright. Matt is so distant lately, physically and I even feel like its emotionally too. I'm already starting to overthink now. I have to stop myself before I drive myself crazy.

"I'm ready to past out!" Katie says as we walk inside.

"Me too. I have to shower first though I feel so gross." I tell her as I put my purse down on the coffee table and head up the stairs. Katie follows me now.

"Do you want me to join you?" I can hear the teasing tone in Katie's voice.

I just know she wiggled her eyebrows while she said it. Katie's wild personality intensifies when she's drunk. I know she is joking but I also know that Katie is partly not joking. She is bisexual so I know that when she is drunk she will blur lines sometimes not meaning too. The alcohol makes her more open about it. I know Katie would never truly act on it because I'm married and I believe in loyalty. Matt and I's relationship is monogamous. He gets very jealous. But I've assured him that nothing like that would happen between Katie and I. She respects me too much to act on that without me being okay with it. Before Matt and I got together Katie and I did have sex one time. We were both drunk. It was at a party and I only really remember parts of it. It never affected our friendship so I was glad for that. I know it's horrible but I never told Matt about that. But I never told anyone about it really. We just never talked about it after it happened. I don't know if I would consider myself bisexual but I know that I find women attractive. That was my first time experiencing sex with another woman. It was exciting from what I remember. But I never got the chance to explore it anymore cause soon after that I met Matt. Katie does have a boyfriend right now but their relationship is different. It's more polygamous. They both live together but they enjoy other people together and separately.

"Katie you should lay down. You are wasted." I rolled my eyes at her while I said it.

"Hey, can't blame a girl for trying," she says as she smiles at me.

Katie goes into my room while I go into the master bathroom. I close the door and start stripping off todays clothes. I throw them in the hamper and turn on the hot water. I immediately get in and let the hot water warm my skin and eventually my anxiety slips away some. I love showering. Its so calming and soothing. I wash my face with a exfoliating pad and face wash. Then I wash my hair with my cherry scented shampoo and conditioner. After that I shave my legs, armpits, and vagina. I begin to wash my body. I use my vanilla bean scented body wash, then I rinse and get out. I dry myself, wrap the towel around me, and then I brush and floss my teeth. I put on my night face cream and brush my hair. I twist it up into a bun once I dry it with a towel. Once im done, I turn the light out and go into the bedroom. Katie is already passed out on the left side of the bed. She isn't even under the covers.

I go inside my walk in closet and grab some underwear and a matching bralette. Then I find a purple silky night gown and put them on. Once I'm done I go to the chest at the end of the bed, get a blanket and cover Katie with it. I go to my side of the bed, get under the covers and try to fall asleep.

I can't sleep. I look at the clock and its 4:30am now. Why can't I sleep? It's so annoying. I move around trying to get comfortable. Its fucking impossible though. I try to think of anything to help me sleep but nothing comes to mind..

I close my eyes again. And I see dark blue eyes staring back at me. And I see him now, with his blue eyes and sexy smirk. His face haunts me. But somehow it's not in a bad way exactly. I find myself calming and drifting slowing away. The last thing I remember before I fall asleep are those ocean eyes...