Promise // T A E G I

Dear Taehyung,

About 2 and a half years ago I was sent to my school therapist.

She did her usual routine. You know, asking me questions about how I was feeling, how my life was going. And just like the good boy I am, I answered all her questions honestly and truthfully.

By the end of our 20-minute conversation. I saw this really confused look on her face. I don't think she could figure out why I was sitting there with her.

So she asked, " Why did they send you here?"

I sat there quietly for a little, it had become so routine for me that I didn't realize it was wrong.

"Well you see, I've been falling asleep in every single class for the past 2 weeks. I can't stay awake."

Sure I had tried to go to different doctors, but they all said that nothing was wrong with me and that I'm perfectly healthy.

My mom just thinks that I'm being rebellious or something like that.

Overall, I don't even know what's wrong with me.

The therapist and I sat down together and talked about the reason for me falling asleep in every class and unfortunately, the only reason that we could conclude was you.

//

You see, I've known you for quite some time now. I think we met around the age of 13. We were both on this mountain trip with our families.

We didn't know anyone there and we were the only two young boys who went.

We were both super quiet, but I was quieter than you, and you approached me first.

We bonded together you and I. You were always happy, giggly and sunny and I was just a stubborn emo kid

But every second we spent together was another memory I would hold onto for a long time.

After that three-week mountain trip, I left knowing that I had a best friend. We promised each other we would see each other someday. It took me some convincing though, sorry.

//

¨Give me your pinky,¨ You giggled as you leaned close to me, flexing out your small pinky. I being the moody teen boy just stared at you. But you didn't care, you knew me so well.

You flashed me a smile and grabbed my hand, unraveling my hand to get at my pinky.

¨I promise you, that I'll see you after today and we'll be best friends again. Better than best friends!¨

You looked me straight in the eye, and I coughed into my arm. Honestly, I was just hiding my warm red face. Fine, I blushed.

You waited for a response, and my dumbass stayed solemn and quiet. I think I just hated the fact that I was going to leave my first best friend.

It hurt so bad, so I just stared at you blankly. I realize now how much that hurt you.

Your parents called your name, and you were already leaving me. I can't believe I almost let you slip out of my reach.

¨Yoongi, this is it for real. I'm leaving, I don't know when I'm seeing you again! I know your quiet, and emo, and edgy but just say s-¨

You were a very emotional person, still probably are. I like that about you. But that day, I freaked out when I saw tears build up in your eyes.

Me, Yoongi Min making someone cry? I reacted immediately, almost like seeing an injured kitten. I just wanted to give you all of me to make your tears go away.

When I was 13, I did my best to express that feeling.

¨Ah shit no don't cry, I'm sorry!¨ I let go of our pinkies and held your crying face with my big puffy mittens. You were 13, but you cried like you were 5.

At the time you were shorter than me, and your long hair covered your eyes, so I pointed your face to my lips as I blew on your tears.

Making you cry was and probably still is the one feeling I can never forget.

You tried pulling away to wipe them away yourself but I didn't let you.

¨Yoongi leave me alone, you don't care wither way!"

As you spoke I felt the need to bring you as close to me as much as possible. I forgot my little emo boy facade and instead gave myself to you.

I sat on a nearby couch and pulled you down with me. I tried my best to hug you and your big puffy winter coat. It wasn't something I usually did, hugging people. But, you liked it. You hugged me back and cried into my shoulder.

"That's not true, I'm sorry."

I never knew how contagious crying was. Two 13-year-old boys crying like 5-year-olds, a disease. But you weren't mad at me anymore.

The thing you probably remember most was the feeling of my cold lips on your warm cheeks. Kissing away your tears, I guess. To this day I have no recollection of that happening. But I know it did.

And ironically, all I remember is you returning them all over my cold face. I swear I've never felt warmer than then. Both of us were just there while our parents called our names to head home. We didn't care, did we?

When long enough had passed, we said goodbye for real and left for our homes.

I still find it funny how we've been deprived of those memories. It makes me think, did we ever actually leave each other?

The next day I had a dream about you.