Promise // T A E G I

Do you miss me?

In fact, I had a dream about you every night.

I wished my therapist would've started making me write them down earlier but, here are a few dreams I wrote.

Taehyung asking to hold my hand.

Taehyung giving me a bouquet of roses.

Me and Taehyung building a snowman.

Those are 3 are just special to me. I don't know why, okay?

But I dreamed about you every night, and then it was every day. Including school hours. It was like our little meeting place, in our dreams.

The only thing that sucks is we can never speak to each other. I can't hear a word you say in "dreamland". So instead we try to sign things. And not in sign language, we aren't that smart apparently.

I remember leaving you in my dream one day, and I wanted to say "I love you."

So I pointed at myself, made a heart with my hands, and pointed at you. All you did was laugh and hug me.

I think you got the memo.

My therapist encouraged me to keep writing about my experiences and dreams so I did. She would keep my journal at her office and I would come in every once in a while to write.

School got hard but I managed to do my school work midday when I wasn't so sleepy.

//

But then weird things happened. The usual dream time I would have of you was 8-10 hours long. But this time I slept for 16 hours. I woke up in a cold sweat and I felt sick to my stomach. My eyes were wide and red. It felt as if I was drowning or suffocating in my sleep.

My parents were concerned, and my therapist was too.

When my therapist asked me to remember what happened that night. I wrote in my journal,

~Me and Taehyung, we got married.

I was surprised. Did I really dream that?? Marriage seemed like too much too far. I wasn't mad, just confused why my dream experiences escalated that much all of a sudden.

I remember the music, the vows, the dresses, the suits, the rings. Taehyung looked like an angel.

My therapist suggested I continue to dream and write what happened. So I did just that.

~Me and Taehyung bought a beautiful house in the mountains and we decorated together

~Me and Taehyung cuddled by the fire because it was cold.

~Me and Taehyung adopted a child

~Me and Taehyung adopted more children

By this point, I had been sleeping 20 hours a day.

"Kids?" My therapist looked concerned as ever.

¨Yeah, Felix, Yoona, Soo, and Tae.¨

¨How do you feel about your fake children?¨

¨They are not fake.¨

My therapist talked to me about getting hospitalized for sleep and mental issues. But I knew nothing was wrong with me, not entirely. I always refused.