Not What I Expected

Part 23

Ryan woke up at 7:30 the day after Chad's funeral with an unsettling feeling in his stomach. It was a rainy morning in May and his head hurt from having one too many drinks the night before. It had been a tough evening and now, as he continued to lay in bed with no intention of getting up and going to work, he felt like he had made a terrible mistake. What kind of man was he to abandon Nicole when she needed him the most? She confided in him and all he could do was get up and walk out of her life.

Straight up, he was a shithead. That was the conclusion that he had come to.

Flashback

She hadn't spoken a word since he had carried her from Chad's grave site to his truck. Ryan pulled up against the curb in front of Nicole's house and looked over at her. She was curled up in the passenger seat looking out the window. Her mascara was smeared, her eyes were red and she looked like she hadn't slept in a year. It was clear that the day had definitely taken it's toll on her, but he knew that there was nothing he could do to help.

He got out of the truck and made his way around to her door and opened it. She looked up at him for a moment and then he leaned in and picked her frail body up in his arms and carried her to the front door. He managed to rifle the house key out of his pocket and unlock the door without putting her down and then he walked into the living room and laid her on the couch.

"Is there anything I can get you?" Ryan asked quietly as he sat down beside her and ran a hand through her disheveled hair, "Do you want to be left alone?"

"No, please stay with me a little longer," Nicole mumbled as she reached out her hand and grabbed his arm, "It's too quiet in here."

Ryan gave her a little smile before he stood up and took his suit jacket off and hung it over the back of the chair. He was about to sit back down on the couch with Nicole when he noticed something on the coffee table. In an instant he knew what it was, but what made him more curious was why it was there.

He reached down and picked up the plastic stick and stared down at the little blue plus sign staring back up at him. Was Beth pregnant? Had she come over to tell Nicole and then forget to take it with her when she left? As far as he knew, Alex and Beth, despite every attempt they had made, were unable to have children.

"Nicole..." Ryan started unable to get the rest of the words out as he turned around and looked down at her.

Nicole was staring at the pregnancy test in his hand and then she looked up at him with fear in her eyes. Other than that, Ryan really had no idea what was going on in her head. The test couldn't possibly be hers...

"Yes, it's mine," Nicole said quietly, answering his silent question.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ryan questioned her, feeling the anger rise up inside him, "How long have you been keeping this from me? From your family?"

"Ryan, you need to calm down. It's not like I was purposefully keeping it from you," Nicole shot back in frustration, "I found out two days ago and I'm sure it hasn't gone unnoticed by you that I have had other things on my plate and on my mind. So please, lay off me. Besides Dr. Mason, you are the only one that knows."

"So you just sort of expected me to jump with excitement and step up to the plate and pretend to be daddy?" Ryan asked interrogatingly, "Why are you expecting so much of me?"

She stared at him for a moment, the anger and hurt flashing in her eyes before she stood up and disappeared down the hall to the kitchen. Ryan considered going after her but after a moment decided against it. He fell onto the couch and ran a hand through his hair unsure of what to think or how to deal with this news. He knew it wasn't about him and he knew he had made a big mistake saying what he said. He was sure that Nicole was having a very difficult time dealing with the news of her pregnancy, all the while dealing with her husband's death and his funeral.