tony and the mega oof (Guest Starring Ryan Bergara, Shane Madej, and More)

Chapter 1-Looking for Love

"tOny! Get your scrawny a** down here!!!!" Yelled my tall dad. I grOaned and rolled out of bed. it was my first day of grade nine at my new school, St. Spooky in Ottawa. i pulled on my iconic outfit of a plain blue t-shirt and black pants and did my morning routine of using 5-in-1 shampoo to cleanse myself and blasted down the stairs.

My dads were there at the kitchen table making me a gourmet breakfast. i sat at the table and grabbed a nutritious pop tart and some orange juice with extra chunks in it, mmm delicious. my dads were sitting at the table vibing. "Bon matin" i said to them trying to use my french skills. "You suck" said my parental unit shane. that was really good for my self esteem. "are you ready for your first day of school at St. Spooky?" said my parental unit ryan.

of course he asked me that. he knew i was not excited for my first day, i mean i couldn't even parler le français!! i never wanted to leave my vibeful homeland of Timmins, Ontario, but my parents made me move here to film a new season of their show Buzzfeed Unsolved in the haunted city of Ottawa, and ever since then i had definitely not been vibing.

i glared at ryan in response as i finished the last chunks in my orange juice. i threw my dishes in the sink like the quirky garçon i am and grabbed my bag. "well.. i have to go so um au revoir!" i yelled as i walked to the front door. "au revoir petite connard!" said shane. well at least he tried.

i started blasting down the street on my heelies and soon enough i came upon the school St. Spooky. i watched as all the students filed through the front doors of the school, they were all dressed terribly and definitely not as fashionable as me. i mean, what year does this story even take place? i don't know and the authors definitely don't either.
i took a deep breath and walked up the stairs and into the school.