𝗕𝗢𝗥𝗗𝗘𝗥𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗘/DISCONTINUED

day one

it's all my fault she's gone and there's nothing i can do about it. stupid stupid stupid, i should have never asked for her to take me to disney world. now not only do i hate myself for what i let happen, but also my father. i should've died in the crash not her me.

it's okay because in a few days i'll see her again and the pain i'm in will be over.
grabbing my clothes i start to get dressed after laying in bed for a good hour of contemplating if i should go to school or not.

i don't really see the point of going to school when no one likes me there. i mean my friend brianna left me once she found better friends and my boyfriend, well ex boyfriend now, left me for another girl because 'things weren't working out between us' and apparently according to him 'it's not me it's him'.

let's before real it's me though, i mean i don't blame him i wasn't good enough. i grab my book bag and push back some of my hairs and put on a fake smile, but it hurts so i just walk away from the mirror not wanting to cry with how ugly i look.

i head downstairs skipping breakfast and going out the door before my father came and yelled at me. i headed to school not in no rush as i tried to focus on my breathing.

i absolutely hate school, but not like normal kids getting tired of how long it took to get to go home and have fun with their friends. i hate school so much i feel like crying and i tend to count how many lessons i have left before i get to go home.

kids in middle school used to call me crying railee whenever i would cry in class because of how long it took to get through one lesson. the idea of being stuck in a room full of people you know hate you and having no one to talk to kills me a little because you know i wish i had at least one person there at least. the voices don't even help one bit either, but they are definitely good at reminding me of my worst mistakes and how ugly i look every second of everyday.

i head into the building and weave through the students as and for a moment i feel like there is a tight grip around my throat and i get scared with how many kids there are in the halls.

i head to my locker as i focused on my breathing till i calmed down and so then i open up my locker and get my things before heading to my first lesson.

first lesson with eight more lessons to get through. i sat in the back no wanting to be bothered and zoned out as the students filled the empty seats.

there's too many people and their all staring at you. why'd you put that outfit on you look fucking ugly.

I close my eyes trying to tone out the voices, but it never works until the teacher starts to speak.

"today class we are going to start a partnered project called all about my partner. now before you get up and act like you're parents didn't raise you properly i'm picking your partners" mrs o'riles spoke as the students in the classroom groaned in annoyance.

you think someone wants to get to know an boring person like you or even stand around you please get ready to do the whole project yourself bitch

i close my eyes again as the teacher starts to pair people up, " steven and melissa .. carla and maya ... trinity and joshua ... zach and railee ... corbyn and christina ... jonah and milay ... jack and hailey .. maya and vincent..." the teacher speaks up as people started to get up and sit next to their partner.

wait zach as in zach herron... oh no no no i can't be paired with him he's a jerk and he's scary. "m-mrs o'riles c-can i change my partner please?" i ask nervously due to me never speaking out.

"now isn't that rude don't you think railee, i don't see zachary minding at all now you're his partners be nice" mrs o'riles orders me as zach sat down in a seat next to me smirking.

"now my heart hurts ... why don't you want to be my partner beautiful named railee" zach spoke to me as i roll my eyes.

"save it herron i'll make up something you can write and i'll make up something i so called learned about you and we'll keep it like that.. we both pass with an a" i reply as i grab some paper.

"now why would i let you do all the work" zach says as if i'm going to fall for his little game.

"look i don't want to hear it" i say packing my things and heading out as the bell rings.

there's no way in hell i'm going to associate with him. he's a jerk, rude and a little cocky. besides i don't have time i still have to plan how i'm going to commit.

nothing is getting in the way of me ending it all
exactly because like anyone would care
no one will miss you plus you deserve to die remember