Borrowed Time

Who To Blame?

“Fuck life,” He whispered to his empty apartment, drifting slowly towards the unlit kitchen, “I’m gonna eat fifty fucking cartons of ice cream and then pass out and die like a warrior,” Dick decided, nodding his head virgorously, like it was the best decision to help his broken mental state. He was fine, what happened on the mission wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t. That was Wally’s choice, not his.

Grabbing his cure-all food, Dick walked, dragging his feet and promptly sat down on his couch, taking care to avoid certain picture frames that were now lying facedown, “What the fuck am I supposed to do now?” He asked himself, eating a large spoonful of chocolate ice cream, not caring about the mess he made as a portion fell off the spoon. Nothing could be as bad as what he did tonight. What he’d caused.

“Why the fuck did he have to go and die?” Dick had already shed his tears, better yet, Nightwing had, and yet some still formed. The audacity. Dick squeezed his eyes tightly, doing his best to stop the barrage, but failing nonetheless.

Why’d he go and leave Dick all alone? The mission had been going so well at first. Kid Flash -now Flash- and Nightwing left his apartment to go on a simple recon mission at one of Bane’s current hideouts. The man was trying to establish himself in Bludhaven and Dick wasn’t about to let that happen. It was going to be an easy mission. Nothing was supposed to blow up. Nobody was supposed to die. They were going to go get pizza after, and Dick was finally going to tell Wally.

“Why did things have to go so fucking wrong,” Dick's voice cracked, the damn breaking all at once with pools of tears now running freely down his face. He must look a mess, but it was his best friend. Nothing bad was ever supposed to happen to him. They'd planned for every outcome. But Wally had taken his place -it was Dick who didn’t deserve to live right now. It was Dick who was supposed to be nothing but a pink mist. But his best friend had saved him with a smile on his face. Just like that. One simple push, like it had been the easiest decision in the world. One push, and Dick still couldn't say six words.

Dick jumped slightly when the shrill of his phone rang from the bedroom. That must be Bruce calling. He knew nobody else cared enough to check up on him. Not after the fallout the Team had months ago.

Sighing, Dick left his ice cream on the coffee table and made his way to the bedroom, closing the door behind him. A weak attempt at putting yet another barrier between himself and Bruce. And no matter how much he didn’t want to, Dick answered the phone, wiping some of the tears out of his eyes. Another poor attempt to compose himself.

The caller was indeed Bruce, and it caused Dick to loose yet another piece of himself. Curling his body into itself on his -now- too soft bed, Dick finally whispered, “I fucking miss him." Bruce didn’t reply. It was like the man knew that’s all it took to get Dick to talk. The blank hum of a phone. It’s something Wally used to do when Dick was upset. God, the man hadn’t even been dead two days and Dick already missed him so much. Everywhere he looked, he saw Wally.

Snifiling, he added, “Who the fuck cares?” None of his fellow teammates had called him. Could he even call the that now? Teammates? They didn’t care about Dick anymore. The only person he had left was Wally. But Bruce didn’t respond, “The love of my life just decided that he was worth fucking nothing.” And I never got to tell him, went unsaid. He’d been too scared of rejection, and look where that got him. Wally saved Dick’s life by losing his own, and Dick had been too much of a coward to tell him one fucking thing. Six fucking words.

He never should’ve convinced Wally to help him, “All of this fucking shit was for nothing!” He sobbed, hiding his face in the hand that wasn’t holding his phone. Fuck Bane, fuck Bludhaven.

Maybe if Dick kept covering his face, it would hide this weakness from the man who constantly hunted for a reason to say Dick wasn’t competent enough. But he knew it wouldn't help at all.

Once Dick started talking, once that damn broke, he wouldn’t stop until he let everything out. Bruce knew that too, -another one of Dick’s weaknesses- and that’s when Bruce finally spoke, but his suggestion only angered Dick, “Try to fucking stop me from leaving my room. It’s not gonna happen,” he snarled into the phone. Bruce couldn’t tell him what to do anymore. He’d lost that right when he’d kicked him out at fourteen.

Bruce tried again, sensing where Dick's sudden anger originated from. It had been the main reason for their fights in the past. An easy thing for the World's Greatest Detective to figure out. It was to help train him, Bruce said, I thought you were over it, he said. Come back to the manor so I can keep an eye on you, he said. Bullshit, it was all fucking lies.

Dick growled, scratchingat his face, “No, I’m not fucking over it!” Why the hell would Bruce think Dick could forgive him just because his only friend died. That he would go running back to Bruce whenever the man demanded just because he'd lost someone else.

God he missed Wally. He’d know what to do right now. He’d be able to help Dick get out of this mess. Help him get his friends back. But he wasn’t here anymore. He was gone.

“I can’t believe I did this fucking shit all over again.” Let someone else die for him. First his parents, now Wally. Dick was a walking death magnet. Maybe Bruce was right. Maybe he should just stay in his room and never leave. At least everyone would be safe. Maybe he should just die. At least he would be with Wally. It’s not like his ‘friends’ would notice anyway.

Dick sagged his shoulder and sobbed into the phone. What was he doing? He shouldn't be thinking like this. He couldn't waste Wally's sacrifice. He couldn't.

Bruce was still silent when Dick finally whispered into the phone, “I fucked up my own life.” And really, he only had himself to blame.

Wally was gone, and Dick was alone.

So, so alone.

======LineBreak

Hey guys! So I found a bunch of prompts an such so I decided to make a big book of them. They all surround our boi Dick here, as Nightwing and Robin. Even some AU stuff too.

But this was a challenge prompt. I was only allowed to use one character to speak, and I was given only the lines you saw to have him say. So it was hard to figure out what the story should've been about.

But I don't think I did too bad.

Let me know what you think in the comments, and if you have a prompt, send it to me!

This should have a part two and possibly three. I'll make sure I tell you in the next chapter if it is.

Til next time,
Rachel :)