For You

Tract 2: Be A Good Lover

Disclaimer: The title of the fic and each chapter's title are all credited to the Jerry For You producers and of course to Jerry himself.

For you, who find whose love is forbidden, this chapter is dedicated to you.

.......

Something is really wrong with me.

It was one thing to fight with your friend over a crush in High School; but it's another thing when the guy is your friend's boyfriend. It was also quite an ordinary thing to compete with your friend over a guy's attention, but it was no longer normal to desire the guy if he was already officially taken.

Taken. I've been telling myself this fact for months now but I seem incapable of letting go of my inappropriate thoughts on my friend's boyfriend.

My friend's much younger boyfriend, my mind added wryly.

Stealing a glance over the corner of the room where my friend's boyfriend sat in silence, I mentally asked all the gods up in the heavens how could the guy be so good-looking.

Chiseled jaw. Perfect nose. Striking eyes. Kissable lips. Tempting body. . . the guy was the epitome of perfection for the male species!

Mentally scolding myself to the direction my mind was now going, I reminded myself that the guy was my friend's man; also, I reminded myself of the guy's age.

Eighteen. Yes, though Liao Yang Zhen was more than good enough to win a 'most desirable man' award, he probably would have to wait a few more years to get such a title; even with his perfect physique, he was still just a kid.

Oh my great Buddha! What is happening to me? I should really know better than have unseemly thoughts on some teen-ager. Normal twenty-four year old ladies don't just look at little boys who had just gotten out of high school in that way. It was absurd. . . it was immoral. . . and it's probably not even legal!

Rolling my eyes, I told myself that of course it was legal; but I also reminded myself that wasn't an excuse for me to have these thoughts on my friend's boyfriend.

Heaving a frustrated sigh, I got on my feet to head towards the three guys over the opposite side of the room. Though I haven't met the guys before, the one in red had been giving me meaningful looks all evening. With his 'pretty boy' face, he wasn't exactly my type but hey, at least he was my age. Who knows maybe even for a while, he can get my mind off a certain manly teen.

But as I began to cross the room, my traitorous eyes suddenly wandered off and once more caught sight of the 'manly teen'. He was still sitting all alone on the corner, looking so lost and vulnerable.

Then as if having a mind of their own, my legs walked towards him instead. He quickly sensed my presence as I approached him. He looked up at me just as I stopped in front of him.

"Ma Yi," he said, politely acknowledging me.

I only smiled in return; I stared at him for a few moments before I could pull myself enough to ask, "Ah Zhen, why are you sitting here all alone?" Looking around the room, I tried to spot my friend amongst the large crowd of guests. "Where's. . .?" I asked, trailing off.

"She went to entertain some of her guests," he hurriedly explained. Blushing a little, he added, "She asked me to join her but I refused but now I feel so out of place."

Nodding in understanding, I gave Ah Zhen a comforting smile. I felt so bad for him that I wanted to kick myself for not walking over here sooner, I should have known how left out he would feel among the group of twenty-something people.

Without thinking a second time, I asked him, "Then would you mind if I keep you company for a while?"

Of course, the surprise in his eyes was expected. After all, though I was a good friend of his girlfriend, we never really have talked before. I guess there just isn't much topics that an eighteen-year-old boy and a twenty-four year old girl can discuss about.

But the next second, the surprise in Ah Zhen's eyes quickly changed to one of relief and gratefulness. I felt myself blushing as he nodded eagerly and patted the space next to him on the couch.

Feeling as though there were a hundred butterflies fluttering their wings inside my stomach, I slowly sat next to him. I purposefully placed a good three inches of space between us.

Ah Zhen, oblivious and innocent as ever, didn't realize the effect he had in me; he shifted closer to me until his shoulder touched mine. I gasped slightly but still he didn't notice. He turned to face me, his face tantalizingly close, and smiled winningly.

"Thank you, Ma Yi," he whispered with childish excitement. I sighed inside; if only he knew how far from childish, the emotions he was causing me right now. . .

But before I could drift further into dreamland, a girl stopped in front of us, interrupting my little moment with Ah Zhen.

"Sorry if I had left you alone for so long."

With those simple words, Ah Zhen completely forgot all about me as he turned to the woman and smiled lovingly at her. His smile caused his eyes to sparkle too with much pleasure. I felt my chest tighten in envy.

Getting on his feet, Ah Zhen walked to stand next to his girlfriend. In a very shy and modest manner, he took her hand into his. My friend's face reddened prettily.

Even through my jealous eyes and wounded heart, I saw how much Liao Yang Zhen really likes my friend. He may be just a kid, but he was probably a better lover than most men around. With the way he looks at my friend and the way he holds her. . . it spoke more maturity and sincerity guys my age have.

And watching how my friend's face was glowing with happiness, I thought that it was the happiest I've ever seen her; it just reaffirmed by belief on how ideal her boyfriend was.

Biting the inside of my cheek to stop my sudden urge to cry, I realized the reason that drew me to Liao Yang Zhen this much. Though true it was his looks that attracted me at first; it was his heart that made me fall in love.

Love. I was in love with Liao Yang Zhen. . . I know I must have been for months but only now did I have the courage to admit it. All this time, I was actually just using all the physical feelings I had for him as an excuse to mask all the true feelings I had inside. But now that I knew that I loved him, so what?

Whether I loved him or not didn't matter anyway; he was in love with my friend. As hard as it would be for me to accept it, I had to.

Glancing up at my friend, I silently told her how lucky she was. I prayed she would forever cherish this special man. I also prayed for Ah Zhen's happiness, she'd be as good as a lover as she could be for him.

For if she can truly make him happy, that'll be enough for me. As long as Liao Yang Zhen was happy, maybe I can try to be contented and happy too.

Finally accepting this unrequited love, I got on my feet and excused myself from my friend and her Ah Zhen.

Before I left, my eyes caught Ah Zhen's. He looked briefly at me and smiled appreciatively. The look in his eyes made me momentarily wonder if he knew my feelings for him. But I just shrugged it off; after all haven't I decided to give up already?

So slowly walking away from them, two people who looked so deliriously in love, I didn't realize I was making a big mistake by giving up on Liao Yang Zhen.

Because if I had fought for my feelings. . . then maybe things wouldn't have ended the way it did. . . Liao Yang Zhen wouldn't have ended up hurt. . . because if I had been my friend, surely for him, I would have been a good lover till the end. . .