I Love You Black And Blue

4

This hurts. 

This hurts more than anything I've ever felt. This pain is new. It's like all my old pains put together. All the old pains he gave me that I thought I'd gone numb to, he was somehow able to put them all together and tie them up with a sickening bow before letting it explode all over me. The pain is excruciating, and I haven't seen him since he left. 

I don't know how long I've been laying here like this. Naked curled up in a ball, just staring at the wall. I'm scared if I move my body will shatter. But I'm afraid of what will happen if he comes back and I'm still here so I force myself to move. Trying to stand up, my legs gave out as soon as I tried to put my weight on them. I don't bother trying to pull myself back up and just crawl to the bathroom and drag myself into the shower. 

I turn the water so hot it burns, then I  turn the handle the other way to where it is so cold I'm shivering there on the shower floor. I go back and forth between hot and cold for about ten minutes before I feel like throwing up. I try to push it down, telling myself its just because what happened is finally sinking in, but the feeling doesn't go away so I force myself to lean in front of the toilet, and sure enough I throw up. For what feels like forever. 

Everything feels like an eternity in this pain. The dragging myself out of the shower, the pulling one of my baggie black hoodie and a pair of black leggings. Pulling on my ratted old red converse. I don't even bother with makeup. Just walk out the door to my car. All my bags were already in the car and my phone was conveniently plugged in. I call the only person I know to call. Carly. 

It rings twice before there's an answer on the other line. 

"Hello? Alyssa?" These two words push me over the edge and I'm crying. Not the normal type of crying. This is ugly, sobbing, can barely breathe crying. 

"Alyssa! What's wrong?!" Theres the sound of footsteps and a door closing, some more footsteps and what sounds like nurse's voices. It quiets and I'm still crying into the phone, wishing all this pain would go away. 

"Carly...I can't...he...it hurts..." is all I can get out before I'm a sobbing mess again.

"Alyssa hang on okay? I'm gonna come get you. I'll get an uber there and we can drive your car back to my place. Do you need to grab anything?" 

"I packed to leave yesterday...Carly I can barely move..."

"Oh sweetie...just stay where you are okay? I'm on my way." Theres a sound of a car door closing then Carly's voice telling a man my address. 

"Please hurry..."