Scratches (Fred Weasley)

(166) Lost Love

Funerals were the most painful thing in the world.

Words could not express how much Nicolai hated waking up that day. On a couch. That was not hers. In a house that she did not own. Without the love of her life. She might as well have died the days she found out that she had lost Jillian.

But she didn't. Unfortunately for her. Instead she was going to have to face her whole life without seeing her sweet face. Her radiant smile. Her melodious laugh. Her gentle touch.

Florence had made waffles for breakfast that morning with blueberries and white chocolate morsels, just how Nicolai liked them. She ate the entire thing despite her body's disinterest, only for Florence's sake. Nicolai understood what she was doing and she wanted to show her that she appreciated it.

Getting ready was especially harder. Florence had helped her pick out the dress, but it took her longer than anticipated to put it on, staring at it in its entirety for a solid twenty minutes.

The venue was packed with friends and distant family members of the Devereuxs, all sitting in folding chairs on the grass, under the gloomy London sky. Florence and the twins sat five rows back while Nicolai went to join the family in the first row. She distracted herself by letting Cassie sit on her lap, the young girl playing with the lace texture of her dress. And she let her. She was far too young to have to digest what was happening that day.

The funeral of the only parent she and her brother has ever known.

She was called up to say a few words after Mrs. Devereux, Nicolai's heart pumping wildly in her chest.

She looked at the piece of paper she had brought with, then at Jillian's casket. Nicolai sighed, crumpling her prepared speech before speaking in to the microphone.

"Karen Devereux was my mentor," she said first, looking to the children as she did so, "She showed me the world of wizarding medicine and made me develop a fascination for it. This fascination I can now use to help people the way she did, up to her dying breath. She was also a loving sister. She loved Jillian unconditionally, and respected who she was and who she chose to love."

She paused, feeling the tears well up in her eyes, "Jill... what can I say?" she chuckled hollowly, a tear streaking down the side of her cheek, "I love her, with my very being. And I can't say for sure but I hope she loved me the same way. So I don't quite know what to do now that she's not with me."

"I...." she choked out, feeling her emotions flooding out of her system, "I don't.... I don't know what to do. In the mornings, in our old home, she'd make sure I had everything for the day and was prepared before leaving... but she didn't really prepare me for a life without her. That's because we never thought it was something we had to prepare for..."

She broke down crying on the podium, "You'd think it'd be easier to learn to live without her again because I've done it in the past. But Jillian was a the type of person you could never shake once she was on to you.... I'm sure the people she's played Quidditch with here can attest to that..."

A soft chuckle came from the crowd, Nicolai wiping her tears away once more, "I guess that's what I'll miss about her. That and a lot of other things. I'll miss her. I'm not ready to say good bye, to be quite frank. But I'll learn how to.... Lastly. I want to thank everyone who came to the wake, and for those who came today, and those present for all four days. Your love and support is deeply appreciated."

With that, Nicolai's speech ended, stepping away from the podium and joining the Devereuxs at their seats once more. They then took turns at throwing a white rose on top of Jillian and Karen's casket, before they were slowly lowered on to the ground.