Living In The Past

Soft side

I stayed silent during the whole ride. Firstly because I didn't know what to say, and mostly because I was freaking out at every turn. He drove way too fast to my taste, but I decided to suffer silently. That stranger had kind of saved my life.
We finally stopped in a street I guessed was a no-go area.
A heavy atmosphere rushed inside the car as soon as I opened the car door.
Smells of joint, poverty, and violence seemed to have replaced the oxygen molecules in the air. Some wasted guys were sleeping on the sidewalk, some others where trying to walk without any success.
The black guy didn't say anything, didn't even spare a glance at as he walked toward a building. I followed him as closely as I could, feeling totally unsafe.
To my surprise, we didn't go upstairs, but downstairs.
My survival instincts tried to stop me, but I still went in the basement.
I went in the narrow corridor.
He switched on the light, and opened a door. The room I saw when we entered was exactly the way I had pictured it a few moments ago.
It seemed to be a hiding spot. A dirty one. Food, butts where scattered on the floor, next to a sofa in pieces.
The strong smell of cold cigarette almost killed me when I tried to breath. I coughed.
He closed the door.

"I suppose you have questions" he said.

His voice was way softer than I anticipated. I turned around to look at him, and saw concern in his gaze.

"You could say that" I shortly replied.

"Well, go ahead"

"Who are you ?"

"Call me Bone. I'm one of Ash 'colleague'. We ... worked together" he started to explained, making a face at the word 'colleague'.

I stayed still. I just understood something. This guy wasn't working in a garage. And neither was Ash.

"Ash never worked in a garage did he ?" I suddenly guessed.

I wasn't aggressive, or cold. I was just neutral.

"Indeed. He worked for me for the last few months"

"And what was his job exactly ?"

"No need to go in the details"

"Are you a gang leader or something ?" I slowly asked.

He nodded. Another lie from Ash. How shoking. (Irony, irony).

"Why did you help me ?"

"Because he asked me to protect you"

"And you did it ?"

My question was filled with surpise. I didn't expected to be saved by a New York gang leader after all.

"Ash helped us a lot. He took a lot of risks for us, and is the only reason me and my crew are still alive. I wanted to give him back a little of what he gave us"

So Ash hadn't changed when he met me. He wasn't a mobster, but was in a gang, killing people for money. My face fell at the time as my last hopes on the guy I started to love.

"He didn't kill anyone" Bone suddenly affirmed, as if he knew what I was thinking.

"You don't know what you're talking about"

"You think so ? Johan Peterson is crazy about you, but accidentally killed your boyfriend. He's an ex-mobster, son of a sweden mafia leader. Should I go on ?"

I was stunned.

"Why do you know all his life ?" I asked, staring straight into his eyes.

"As a gang leader, I have to know the persons I command"

"And you accepted him ? A faggot in your team ?"

"The night we met Ash, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was walking with my crew in a deserted street after a bad day and he was there. He asked for help because he was homeless and didn't find a job. I was so furious at that moment that I tried punch him. I wanted to blow off some steam and didn't care about hitting an innocent guy. But before my punch could enter in contact with his flesh, he had intercepted it, and sent me flying on the ground. He demolished the rest of us in no time. We were seven against one poor guy  and he won. So I took him in my team. He explained his situation to me that night, and told me he would not kill anyone. I still kept him because he's strong and smart. Incredibly smart"

I somehow felt relieved after what Bone said. Maybe he had changed when he talked to me.

"We are not a powerful gang you know. We are just a group of desperate people the society left behind" he added.

"For a gang leader you sure have a soft side" I replied, more and more surprised.

"That's a secret you can't tell anyone"  he teased back with a smile.

"More seriously, if you're not in my crew, you can die for all I care. But I'll do everything to protect my people"

"Thank you" I finally said.

"No need. But you have to know Ash is sincere about how much he loves you. I could feel it when he talked about you. He made mistakes, but you have to know how hurt he is. He's trying so much to make amends for what he did. Guilt wouldn't let him sleep"

A gang leader was giving me relationship advice. That was science fiction.

"What are you going to do ?" He asked, seeing I would stay silent.

"I don't know. Maybe it's time for a family reunion" I sadly admitted, realisation crashing in and making me give up on the idea of running away.

I couldn't escape them, because I couldn't drive or anything. To be honest, I thought Ash was lying again when he told me my mother would try to find me. I thought he was making up something to keep me close to him. But for once he wasn't. My mother seemed determined to bring me back home. I never thought she would deploy her people in all New York City to catch me.

"I don't think that's a good idea" Bone finally replied.

"I don't think I have a choice. I'm putting you in danger right now, just by being there. There's no point in running"

"You can stay here for as long as you want"

"No, I think I need to get back control on my life. These past few days have been hard, and I never felt so powerless. It's time to face my mother"

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