Heart Of Fire......... (Andley Story)

~Chapter 8~

(Andy's POV)

I've been trying so hard. So hard to get better, because I hated feeling this way. But slowly, as the days went on, more dark thoughts swarmed into my mind, telling me to do things I don't want to do anymore. I don't want to feel all this pain but it hurts, my wrists are itching, my stomach just aches from the food I force myself to eat. All the guys have been encouraging me, and I look better, to them. I eat small portions of food. Ash started putting large amounts but he knew it was over-whelming, so took it slow, just a small amount on the plate. But the food is making me fat........... I don't want to be fat, I want to be good enough. We all sat on the sofa watching a film, and I was curled up next to Ash, who was in a hello kitty onesie and I was in a batman one.
"Lunch is ready!" I heard Jake call from the kitchen.
"Come on babe," Ash said, getting up and taking my hand. I took one look at the table full of food, and felt my lip quivering, my eyes begin to fill with burning tears.
"Andy?" I heard Jinxx ask. I looked up at them all grabbing food, and they stopped to look at me.
"I can't do it," I whispered, turning and going into the living room. A sob wracked from my chest as Ashley came over, pulling me into a hug, rubbing my back.
"It's okay," he soothed,
"It's okay baby, you just have to try." I pulled back and looked up at him and everyone in the room.
"I have been trying," I said,
"I have been trying so hard, for you guys, I've been trying so you can be proud to call me a band member, a friend............ a boyfriend," I could feel tears leaking down my cheeks,
"I hate feeling this way, I hate the thoughts telling me to cut my wrists, to tie a rope around my neck, to stop eating, to pull the trigger or to swallow the pills, I just......... I w-want it to go away." With that, I bent down, picked up Crow and left the house, crying.

(Ashley's POV)

I went to run after him, but Jake and CC grabbed me, stopping me from going anywhere.
"Guys let me go," I fought,
"I have to see if he's okay, to make sure he doesn't do anything."
"Look Ash, Andy needs space and he needs time, he said himself that he hates those thoughts in him, he wants it to go away," CC assured me.
"He'll be okay," Jake added. After a bit more convincing, I decided to stay, to let him have time alone, well, time with his cat.
"Okay, guys," I said,
"Help me out here, I want to collect every sharp things and every type of medication in this house and lock it away, I'll have a key and I'll let you guys get copies, I can't have those thoughts pushing him to harm himself, I'm going to keep an eye on him and we'll make him better again." They nodded and we split up, going in different directions to collect everything. I spent a while in the kitchen taking out all the sharp knives and cutlery before putting them in the large storage cupboard to lock. I went into the living room and just stood there; it's like everything I've felt these past few weeks, began crashing down on me. Tears started falling down my face, as for those moments it became too much. I sobbed, and held onto the edge of the sofa.
"Ash?" I heard Jake ask, and then he yelled for the others. He came over, stood in front of me and made me look at him. "Man what's wrong?" he asked and I just cried harder. I heard the other two come in and ask me what's wrong. I took a deep breath and replied,
"I just want A-Andy to be better, to be h-happy again...... I want to be a g-good boyfriend a l-look after him p-properly." Jinxx sighed and put his hand on my shoulder,
"Ashley, you are an amazing boyfriend to Andy, you have made him so much better, since the tour he has improved so much, because of you man." "We just need to get back into routine, treat him normally, we just have to get back to our album." I nodded in agreement.

(Andy's POV)

I held Crow in my lap as I stroked him, tears running down my cheeks as I sat in the park, on the grass. I hated it. I want it to away, the thoughts. I knew they were fading, but they're still there.
"Andy!" I heard my name being yelled. I looked up and wiped my eyes to clear my vision. I saw none other than Oliver Sykes walking quickly over to me. His face was creased with worry and he sat down beside me.
"Andy what's wrong?" he asked me. I sobbed and knew I could trust him. He really has been such a good friend for so long. I told him everything from the beginning.
"And I don't want to feel like this anymore," I cried,
"I hate it but I love it, I want to be skinny, I want to be perfect for Ashley." I started crying harder and he pulled me into him, hugging me tightly, rubbing my back to calm me down.
"Andy no matter what, you are my friend," he told me,
"I know that Ashley loves you more than anything in the world, no one thinks any less of you for anything you do or feel, you are the same person and you are perfect Andy." I looked up at him and saw truth filling his bright eyes, which held unshed tears.
"Thank you," I whispered.
"No problem," he smiled and gently wiped my tears away,
"We love you Andy, so much." I smiled at him and sat up, breathing deeply to stop crying. "Nice onesie," Oli commented, grinning at me. I chuckled,
"Oh ha, ha, it's comfy."
"No I want one," he raised an eyebrow,
"Maybe I'll get a sheep one." I giggled,
"Maybe." He reached down and stroked Crow, making him purr. "Hello Crow," he cooed,
"Aww you is so cute." I looked at him while he spoke and it was cute, for a manly guy. "Come on then Andy," Oli encouraged,
"Let's get you back home."
I walked through the door, putting Crow on the floor and watching him scamper off. I timidly entered the living room, seeing them all watching the television. Ash looked up and I saw he had red, puffy eyes. He had been crying........ Did I do this? Probably..........
"Ash," I whispered, tears once again filling my eyes. I took a deep breath but couldn't stop the tear that fell. Ashley walked forward, putting his hands on my waist, but listened to me talking.
"I'm sorry," I said as confidently as I could,
"I'm sorry for everything I put you and everyone else through because I know I'm hard work, and I understand if you....... if you n-need a break from me, but through everything, you've made me better, even though I have these thoughts and I want to be skinny, you just make me feel loved."

(Ashley's POV)

I brought my hand up to his cheek, caressing his skin and wiping away the fallen tears. "Baby, I love you more than words can express," I murmured,
"I don't care how difficult it gets or how skinny you are...... I will love you no matter what." I pulled him into a hug and he held me tightly, my hands on his tiny waist. He pulled back to look in my eyes and pressed his lips to mine, in a soft, gentle kiss.
"I love you Ashley," he whispered, his forehead against mine and I whispered back,
"I love you too Andy, forever." He grinned, biting his lip before turning and skipping over to Oliver. I don't even know why he's here....... Andy hugged him and for once, he was really smiling as everyone spoke to him, laughing at him. I laughed at how adorable he was being but then frowned. I couldn't help but notice the way Oli was looking at Andy................