S.M. ✦ Gin & Juice

III.

You got back to your room just after daybreak. Trying to open the door as quietly as possible, you cracked it open and slowly pushed. Suddenly, the door flew backward out of your hand, putting you face-to-face with Caroline. Her eyes were crazed, bright and wide with exhaustion mixed with panic.

"Where. Have. You. Been?!" she shouted between deep breaths, exacerbating your pounding headache. "Shhh, Caroline, your voice is reverberating in my skull," you whispered, holding your hands over your ears and squinting at her.

"No, no, no. No, ma'am. You don't get to storm off in the middle of a huge party alone and then not show up to our room until the next morning," she was still shouting, bordering on hysterical, "I thought you were coming back to the room! Needless to say, it was a surprise when I got back and you weren't here!"

You gave her a moment to collect her breath. You started this conversation already frustrated because you had a hangover and you'd been silently reaching a boiling point while she screamed at you. Gritting your teeth, you gave her a serious death glare.

"Caroline, I respect and appreciate your concern, but if you'll remember correctly, I wouldn't have stormed off in the first place if you hadn't been basically forcing alcohol into my hand." Your voice was low, more menacing than it had ever been. How dare she be accusatory when she was in the wrong too?

She dipped her head, acknowledging that you had a point. "Look, I'm sorry, okay?" she said, remorse hanging on every syllable, "I just wanted you to have a good time...and I really was worried when you weren't here when I got back. Where did you go?"

You cringed internally. You knew she'd ask eventually but you hadn't had time to come up with a good enough answer. "Uhm, I walked around campus for awhile and then I went to the library," you waffled, coming up with the first round-the-clock open place you could think of.

"The library?" she quirked an eyebrow, voice dripping with disbelief, "really?"

You worked up your best fake indignant tone, "yes, Caroline, I happen to feel safe in the library. It's quiet there and I can think, which is more than I can say about this dorm room with you!" Caroline's eyes widened and immediately welled with tears. She really did care about you and you'd just hurt her on purpose. It stung harder than you thought it would, but you'd felt betrayed.

And more than that, you had to protect what really happened last night. You had decided that no one needed to know. No one could know. Your future depended on it. Hell, you weren't even sure if Shawn would know, he'd been so drunk. He said he loved the blackout. Even if he did remember, he wouldn't want to acknowledge it, right?

You were really starting to regret leaving your number.

It was still dark outside when you woke up drooling, the strong scent of gin filling your nose. Your face was pressed against his firm, expansive chest and you could tell the alcohol was still making its way out of his system, practically oozing out of his pores. His soft exhale tickled the back of your neck. At some point during the few hours you slept, Shawn had draped his arm around your back and curled into you. If anyone had walked in, it would have looked like a couple's embrace.

Oh God. You needed to get out of here. No one could know about this. Not just because one of the university's most precious assets had come perilously close to admitting he was an alcoholic, but because you needed to protect yourself. Getting an education. Getting a good job. Involving yourself in a college football scandal was not a part of that plan.

You slowly, carefully wiggled out of his arm and crawled to a sitting position beside him. He slumped slightly, but remained a sleeping giant. You studied him for a moment.