~Quirky Imagines~

The Concert, the Slim Jim, and the Tongue

A Harry Styles, (One Direction Era) Story
A/N: Hiii, welcome to my first fic!!!!!!! and before you ask, no this is not ironic at all!!!! I am very serious about this and please don't steal this, it took me 17 hours to write!!!!! Also if you see this on Tumblr it's just me republishing it so I can get clout. But anyways, enjoy!!!
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Imagine:
       you're at a one direction concert. you aren't a fan of them, but your best friend dragged you there because she got an extra ticket.

at the concert you and your best friend somehow end up near the stage. you aren't really paying attention, you're too busy reading a book and doing your ten-step koren skincare routine. but right as you finished putting your face mask on your best friend looks at you and says

"omigod harry styles just looked right at you!!!!"

"no he didn't" i retort. i looked back at the stage and saw none other than harry styles winking at me.

------------------- Time Warp -------------------

once the concert ended you and your friend are about to walk near the exit but a bodyguard stops you and your friend

"you two, come with me, the band wants to meet you"

my best friend faints, i don't help her and walk back to see the band

"harry styles should be in his backstage area, keep in mind the brats a diva"

"whatever" i say

i walk into the room and see none other than a naked harry styles!!!!!

seeing naked harry styles wasn't the weird part though, it was his penis. it wasn't small or anything, it was just skinny and really long and smelt a little meaty. then it hit me.

HE DIDNT HAVE A NORMAL PENIS!!!! IT WAS A SLIM JIM!!!!!

i then quickly run out of the room and leave backstage because there's no way i'm talking to someone who has a slim jim for a penis.

running out, i run into the street and accidentally fall face first into a car, causing it to cut my tongue off, i pass out.

------------------- Time Warp -------------------

i wake up in the hospital. i look next to me and see him, the slim jim penis man in the flesh.

i cry, my best friend didn't even come to the hospital after my surgery, i'm stuck with the dumb fuck who doesn't even have a real penis.

"why are you here" i asked with an attitude.

he didn't answer

my tongue feels weird, it feels like it's not mine, and it doesn't belong in my mouth, i ignore it though.

"answer me you jerk, and it's kind of your fault that i got my tongue cut off"

he doesn't answer. he then proceeds to give me a piece of paper that says, "i can't talk"

"why" i ask

he then wrote on the paper

"who do you think gave you the tongue"

i cry.

------------------- Time Warp -------------------

it's two days since harry gave me his tongue, and i can say that with full certainty i am madly in love with harry.

he gave me his tongue!!!!!! he gave up his career for me!!!! but he has a dark secret, HES A MOB LEADER!!!!!

and that doesn't seem like a big deal but it is, because of his big boss status he had someone give him their tongue so he can speak again!!!! but what's even crazier is that he kidnapped me!!!!

but i don't care because i love him and his slim jim dick.

"what the fuck do you want"

harry says very meanly, but i didn't care because because he was shirtless, and has a six-pack.

"to marry you"

i say

"let's do it then"

i cry, i didn't think harry would feel the same way.

------------------- Time Warp -------------------

our wedding, i'm walking down the isle to see the love of my life who i'm about to marry.

fuck.

i tripped. that's wouldn't be a big deal but we're getting married on a cliff.

i fucking tripped off the edge, i'm fucking falling off a very high cliff to my death.

rip to me.