~ Forgotten ~

Red in Our Ledger

I woke up to an empty room. I grunted as I sat up a bit. There was no need for me to be in bed resting. I was completely fine, but they insisted. It felt strange sleeping so much without a cuff for once.

I looked around, bored.

I began to think back to a few days ago when me and The Soldier, Bucky, got to America. The sight seemed so familiar. Bucky also had told me about a 'repeat of last time' and trying to avoid that. I had no idea what he was talking about.

Suddenly, a distant memory began to surface, though blurry.

Anger, love, hatred.

A gun.

And..Natalia.

*Beginning of Memory*

Agent Sitwell snuck me aboard the helicarrier.

I went searching for my targets.

I found a lab of sorts and ,lucky me, about all of the targets.

I saw someone familiar. Someone..I hated. Pure hatred. 

Natalia.

I burst into the room with the gun straight at her head. Others now brought their guns out, pointed on me. I screamed at her.

"You left me for this?"

"Tiana," she whispered.

When I heard her speak, I wanted nothing more than my sister back.

But that feeling was fading. The events unraveled quickly. But Natalia talked me into dropping my gun. Why did I do that?

I'm a traitor! I've failed HYDRA!

HYDRA must have been watching me or listening from a distance. They have eyes on everything. They know I'm a traitor.

I had felt hatred again for my sister. No. She isn't my sister.

"You aren't my sister. You aren't a Romanova. You're just a disgrace." I said with acid. I had to kill them. She looked hurt and tried to reason with words. 

"You brought shame upon our family name. My family name."

I didn't care if I died. As long as I got revenge. I grabbed out my second gun and pointed it at Stark.

"Put it down, Tiana." said Steve. I pointed the gun toward him now.

The door opened behind me and I was shot before I could turn around.

I had failed.

HYDRA will kill me for being traitorous and weak.

*End of Memory*

The puzzle pieces fit together now.

That's why I had been shot in the other memory and why I called for backup and instead they sent Bucky.

The hatred began to surface again but I tried reasoning with myself. She was scared. She told me that in a conversation as kids. I can't blame her for being scared. She's my sister no matter what.

Romanova's are strong. Mom and Dad would want us to be strong.

I should have never been so angry at her. I got everyone into this mess.

I stood from the bed and began to walk down endless halls until I found a large, open area. Sitting down inside were the Avengers along with Bucky and Fury.

Everyone stopped their discussion and turned to me.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I said lightly. "I didn't mean to interrupt." I apologized. I looked guiltily toward Natalia. No Natasha. Why do I keep calling her Natalia?

"It's okay. What's wrong?" asked Tasha.

"I-" I hesitated. "I remember now. I remember why most of you don't trust me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I looked at everyone and my eyes stopped at Nat.

They looked shocked.

"What do you mean? What do you remember?" asked Natasha.

"I was sent here a while ago to..kill you all. I felt angry when I saw you so I acted irrationally. I should have never been angry, Tasha. You had good reason." Before I could continue my rant of apologizes, Tasha stood up and walked toward me. She embraced me tightly.

"You don't have to be sorry." she whispered.

"I tried to kill you, Tash. You had every reason to leave and I was just too blind to see those reasons. I was idiotic to believe any word Madame B said!" I exclaimed, with a slightly angered tone.

"It's not your fault." she said, pulling away and looking into my eyes.

She led me by my hand to the couch and we sat down with everyone else. I regretted every word I said to her that day and every action.

"I was wrong when I said you didn't deserve the Romanova name. You do. I don't." I said quietly.

"Don't say that. You do."

"No, I don't. Mom and Dad would want us to be strong. Not ruthless killers." I paused. "That day we lost them..I finally realized what pain was and I would have done anything to forget it. Being at the academy, I did forget it. That's why I was so blind. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay numb." I could barely feel the unfamiliar, hot tears rolling silently down my cheeks. 

If I had ever cried at the academy, I'd be punished. But not here. Here I was safe. I felt welcomed, not threatened every moment.

She lifted her hand and wiped them away. "They were the killers, Tia. Not you. We had no choice."

"Yes we did. I chose to stay with them, not escape with you, and willingly killed the other girls. I killed other people in the world too."

"We all have red in our ledgers, but that doesn't mean we can't change."

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