A Woman's Love is Never Good Enough 2nd edition

Side Effects and Leeches

It is important to keep one foot in front of the other. As a woman, you have to fake it until you make it. There will be a lot of twists and turns. There will be mountains that are steep and seem to be too high to climb. However, where there's a will, there's away. Giving up isn't an option.

Never-ending obstacles pile up one after another. The process seems to repeat itself over and over again without a solution. You've been here before. Where does it end? When does it end? Things seem to stay the same or they become worse than before. How many times do you have to compromise? You cannot continue to carry everyone's burdens and their side effects as if everything is just fine.

Not only do you carry the side effects of others, but their side effects are contagious. This affects you mentally to the point where you lose yourself in the process of trying to fix a situation or a person that is beyond repair.

You find yourself helping others who solely depend on you for their mental state and their ability to think for themselves. Foolishly, you do not see how often you carry their burdens. Their side effects begin to poison your life.

It becomes a hazard because this sucks the life out of you, and you begin to neglect yourself, but they do not care. As long as you are doing for them and supplying their needs, they are fine. Their faces are the same on a daily basis, but the person you do not recognize is yourself. Their side effects begin to make you sick, yet you ignore the signs. The warning signs have been there for years, but again, you push yourself because you feel like someday soon you will finally make them happy.

There were plenty of times when I had long restless nights from the side effects I had to carry because of people's selfish ways. I had my share of bitter days when I was left to take care of my family alone. When I needed a helping hand, the only hand I saw reaching out to me was my own. The people who I'd helped extended their negative energy and waited for me to fail.

It is a given that you loved hard but you didn't get the love you deserved in return. The work you put in was beyond brilliant, but it went unnoticed. Instead, you received a litany of side effects that would wear off with time.

Nothing is the same. Everything has changed and life has taken a turn for the worse. Side effects are making you sick. Sick of life. Sick of struggling.

The side effects take a toll on you. You feel yourself trembling, and it is unbearable to breathe and think about what's next. You begin to slip into the deep end and feel numb. Your thoughts drift as the side effects get closer and closer to the point that you want to give up. The more and more they pull you underneath you can't help but think, I do not have any fight left in me.

Wake-up call! You have a lot to lose. You have more fight in you than you ever knew. You didn't give yourself the opportunity to love yourself. You didn't give yourself the ability to live and love life. You have given so much to others. Imagine, if you gave to yourself what you've given to others, what life would be like. Do not get lost in the deep end. You have to live for the now. Believe it or not, everything will fall into place. It doesn't look like it at the moment, but better days lie ahead.

You are learning that what you see is not what you get, because people live in their own fantasy world until the truth is exposed. Once the truth is exposed they cannot surrender or escape. However, you can surrender and heal from their side effects. The damage can be repaired. You think that you are caught in a bad dream. No, pinch yourself, it is real, and it is giving you the ability to open your eyes to the reality of life.

For far too long you turned a blind eye, but the damage is done. However, you do not have to lose a part of yourself in the process. The broken pieces of your aching heart and damaged emotions can be fixed. You didn't see it coming, or maybe you did. Either way, it has happened. There is nowhere to run or hide from the side effects. Call them out! Suit up and face them head-on because you are a survivor.

Either let the side effects eat you alive from the inside out, or face the truth and make the best of it. The choice is yours.

When it rains, it pours but that isn't a bad thing. Take advantage of the rain as it washes away all of the residues that the side effects left behind. As you confront your side effects, walk with pride, do not turn back, face them head-on. Nothing can faze you now because the rain is clearing your path. After the rain has washed away the side effects, their powers are watered down. Therefore, they can no longer interrupt your peace, kill your joy or steal your happiness.

The side effects' time has expired. It is time to put an end once and for all to carrying everyone's dirty load. Leave them where they lie. Let them figure out their own messes and bad decisions.

Take a breather and let it go. I bet the load is so much lighter!

Now that you have eliminated the side effects that drown your thoughts, you can heal them from within. I noticed that during the day I was okay; my darkest hours came when night fell and I had time on my hands to think. As I begin to think too long, I started to think wrong. I became my worst critic. I had to train my mind to use my negative thoughts to spread and light up my confidence. I became strong-willed as I focused on accomplishing my goals.

As my thoughts chased the hurt and the pain, I found myself smiling because I no longer had a home anymore for the side effects that once wounded my heart. I was in a place of recovery. Self-assurance healed my heart as it beat for me.

Therefore, you have to train your mind to turn negative thoughts into positive ones. When you think about the bad side effects from before, you have to look back on how far you've come. I bet you are proud of yourself!

The cure has taken place. You've created a thicker skin in the process. You've humbly put everyone's burden on the wayside because it is not your shit—nor it is your problem. Once upon a time when you were sinking as they watched, as they thought you were drowning, you found the strength to kick your legs, make progress, and the tide gave you the push you needed to hold your head just above the water. You took your first breath of a new birth and a new life.

Acceptance of others is not your priority anymore. They hate to see you winning so they call you the weakest link, make up lies and are filled with envy. Laughing is good for your soul; therefore, you laugh, because their backbiting isn't painful any longer, nor can it leave marks because their venom is watered down.

As I cured myself, I couldn't believe the limitations I'd allowed people to put on me. I felt the pain cut me deep; the scars are my proof of survival. I felt myself trying to please everyone. During this time, it helped me realize that I would have been spending a lifetime trying to please people who would never be satisfied. Goodness gracious, there is no way I could have been the solution to everyone's problems. After I put everyone's burdens down I was called the weakest link. I was happy knowing I was living up to my standards and finally finding myself.

As I happily gathered my thoughts, I wondered why people would put so much pressure and responsibility on one person? Do they not have consciences? It is incredible how people can make someone that is helping them feel defeated, lost and confused.

You have to realize it is impossible to be the shero to everyone. There comes a time when you have to make a difficult decision to say no to the ones you love. If not, you will be fighting a never-ending battle that you will lose every time. Sad but true, you have to be cruel to be kind, otherwise, you will be defeated.

~Charlena E. Jackson, A Woman's Love is Never Good Enough 2nd edition