The Journey

Hold On (Anise)

She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths, felt the carriage sway smoothly from side to side, almost like it was trying to lull her to sleep, but she couldn't sleep, hadn't been able to for days, months.

Memories, so many of them... memories of the words she'd spoken, promises she had made ...they kept flashing through her mind like lightening, leaving their imprints behind.

"I will," she said; just yesterday she'd said it.

"I will."

But she wasn't sure she could- in-fact she knew now that she couldn't.

But she had to, had made that choice, that promise.

Soft laughter chimed in her ears... no... her memories.

Her eyes flew open, she caught the moving scenery, almost like a kaleidoscope with the speed they were moving, all the colours bleeding into each other as though an artist had just smeared colours across a canvas.

The butterflies in her stomach fluttered, her heart made a wild leap and she knew that he was coming.

She felt him... always had. Always would.

Like a lodestone.

He walked in, quite and reserved like the big gentle teddy bear that he was.

God she loved him in a way she'd never loved anyone, not since her mother and...

She wouldn't think about it...

No, she wouldn't...

She couldn't...

He settled the drinks in front of her and she tried to smile but the tears sprang to her eyes. He deserved so much more.

He sat beside her and slide her onto his lap.

"Shh." he rocked her, his big body engulfing hers.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice gruff and plaintive.

"I know."

"I can't do it," she said it on a whisper, almost hoping he hadn't heard.

"I know darling."

"You deserve more."

He rested her head under his chin, cradled her to him.

"I have you."

"I promised," she said it low, conscience-stricken.

He picked up her hand and kissed the newly placed rings.

"We have time... maybe we will one day."

Her stomach wrenched at the idea.

How could she ever, after she had lost so much?

"I hurt." she murmured.

And she did- her heart, her soul, her body.

"I know." his quiet voice was like a balm to her ragged heart.

"I can't hurt like that again."

He kissed her tears.

"You won't."

"I miss them." her voice broke and she wept into his broad chest.

"I know you do darling, just hold on."

She did, with everything that was left of her frayed self.