It was today. And with Cat Noir's little "bad luck" curse playing on his darker, more secret curse, the situation had dramatically worsened. He'd had three more moments since the battle where the world flashed around him.
Here's the thing-- it had been steadily worsening all along, but he had kept it under control due to one simple fact-- the flashes were basically minor panic attacks. Basically, it was his fear of what he might do that caused them, so as long as he knew that and didn't put himself in those situations where he might try something, he could keep the world stable around him.
Then along came this misfortune to tip the balance. Since he was unlucky, he found himself in that position constantly, and it didn't take nearly as much to make him think of where that could take him, which caused the flashes. It just snowballed after that. He was falling apart at the seams.
Now on this particular day, Cat Noir was grieving. He was guaranteed at least one flash no matter what. Today brought back everything he had suffered after his mom died; worse, his father had barely spoken to him all day, and he couldn't face his friends in this state.
So he ran.
He ran blindly, trying in despair to escape and hold on, battle and flee, hold everything inside without exploding from the pressure. He didn't let himself cry. Fractures crept across his mind, heart, soul, and finally, facade.
It was incredible how calm the night seemed in contrast.
When he stopped to look around, the Cat found himself at the top of the Eiffel tower. There was a peaceful feeling of seclusion up here. But he'd been avoiding heights, so why would he instinctively climb to the top of a building?
Oh, that's right, I want to die.
He whacked himself with his stick.
Stop it, don't think like that, He scolded. You're going to give yourself another flash.
Great, now I'm talking to myself. I guess that means I'm officially losing my mind. Laughter escaped his mouth, surprising him, but containing no humour. The first few tears slid down his cheeks. Adrien sat down, gripping his hair with one hand as he gazed put over the city, trying to hold back the torrent and mostly failing. A couple of muffled sobs escaped.
A few long minutes passed, and then--
"Kitty?"
He froze. After blinking a couple of times and praying that it was dark enough that she wouldn't realize he had been crying, he looked over his shoulder with a grin.
"Hey M'lady. What are you doing out so late?"
"I was going to ask you the same thing." She paced over and sat beside him. "Everything okay?"
Oh, just contemplating my worthlessness and trying not to let my suicidal thoughts drive me to insanity, how's your day going?
"I'm fine, " he chuckled. Not even he could find the note of fakeness in his voice. "Can't sleep."
He tried to subtly brush away a tear when she wasn't looking, but she noticed.
"Cat... what's going on?"
Dangit.
"Nothing. Really." He smiled convincingly. She clearly didn't buy it.
Okay, so he would tell a fraction of the truth. He dropped his act a notch and sighed, gazing out over Paris again. "...well... a year ago today, my... my mom...died." His voice cracked, and he looked down, allowing a few tears their freedom. He didn't trust himself to say any more. Focusing on Ladybug-- her being there, with him-- helped Cat Noir stay in control. He breathed deeply until his mind and heart settled a bit.
"Oh, Cat Noir, I'm so sorry!" Ladybug whispered. He was slightly surprised when she leaned over and hugged him, but he accepted it nonetheless.
They stayed like that for a while. He almost managed to forget everything that was going on, including his struggle, and relaxed-- truly relaxed-- for the first time in ages. For the first time in forever, he was really himself. He wasn't working to maintain appearances or convince everyone around him that he was okay, he was just... there.
This is why I fight for you, M'lady. You're the only one who could make me feel this happy and real.
When she pulled back he felt like she took something with her. He wanted to cry out. Or hold on. But he didn't.
Ladybug got up, leaning over and offering him her hand. "Stand?"
He nodded, smiling sheepishly, and accepted. They stood near the edge of the tower and took in the sky with all its stars, feeling the pure vastness and beauty of it all, and how small they were in comparison.
Just two human beings, tiny, delicate fragile things, seeing everything through glass or crystal water. They felt drawn to it. Something so much larger and stronger than them, that was presently so gentle and calm. Only one of them felt a slight tug in the other direction. He made the mistake of looking down. The glass shattered, fear rushed in. The world flashed.
He teetered on the edge.
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Flashes: Miraculous Ladybug (complete)
FanficEver since his mom died, Cat Noir has been struggling. He's so good at hiding it that no one knows. Not even his closest friends or his father. But then unforeseen events lead his condition to worsen drastically, and it's only a matter of time befor...