Clapping Monkey

Chapter 1 Reason to live

Hey guys, before beginning the story, I would thank everybody who is reading it and I really hope u like it. In any case please leave a comment. It's my first novel and I m open to all sorts of criticism. Make sure to give a review. Warning ⚠️ contains suicide .

Let's start

"Alina!Alina! Where are you heading to? It's almost 8 and dinner is ready. So, no need to go anywhere at this hour".

These are probably the last words. I can feel the care in those words but I know these words are but a sugar-coated pill it won't cure me though. I guess I shouldn't be this selfish, I should care about her more. She took pain to make me what I am today but I can see through her. She is regretting giving birth to me.

" And... yes I asked your father to bring some pizzas back home for you. So you better stay. That man is trying hard to take care of you"

"Why don't you get it, he isn't my father. He is just your husband" I snapped.
Now, it hurts even more but I know if I give up now on ending it all, I won't have the courage to do it again. 'Give up', how pathetic I am ending my life.  Well, people think it's easy to commit suicide. I guess they don't understand that giving up is very difficult. Well, all they see is the perfect picture but they cant fell the suffocation I felt being a part of this picture. To fell so worthless, so desolate that dying feels like a liberation. There are two types of people those who live and those who exist. And I barely exist to anyone. I don't have any reason to live.
"Alina! Are you even listening to me?"

"Sorry mom, something urgent came up so I have to go to a friend's house".

"Stop lying, how come you have any friends ".

"Transfer student".

While walking through those familiar streets, I saw the lighthouse from afar. It looked beautiful as ever. I loved spending time there. I used to run towards it when i was little but today there is a tinge of pain in my heart that is slowing my pace. As I walked towards it, I have flashbacks when dad used to teach me bike riding. Soon enough I'll be reunited with him.
As I came closer to the lighthouse, I noticed a man dressed in gaberdine. I ignored it and ran through the stairs finally reaching the top.
As the air rushed through my face, I took a huge breath and looked down, it was beautiful. Now all I need is one step.
" STOP!"

This noise is loud but somehow comforting. It's more like an oracle telling me to stop. I don't wanna look towards the source of this voice. I believe it can stop me from quitting but I can't look pitiful. I am doing this on my own will. I don't need any sympathy.
 

"Stop my child, trust almighty. Future will be better".
I hated it, he must think I m foolish. I don't wanna hear this garbage.

" Shut it, stop thinking u can show me pity. You don't know what goes in my life. Stop interfering, it's my life. Just go away. I don't have any reason to live. I can't bear any more pain", I screamed at the top of my lungs.
 
I can do it, I  just need to take one last step.
Here goes nothing
1...2...3.........
Before I could do anything a hand grabbed my arm.
All I could make out were pale fingers and a firm grip. There was a beautiful ring with a greenish-blue stone. I could make out the cross that he was holding.

There were moments of silence and finally he said
" I'll give you a reason to live"...