BEFORE I TURN 20

BEING 13: FAMILY OR FRIENDS?

Grace Speaks:
"You must not leave this house and nobody should knock on this gate in the name of looking for you, if anybody does, don't open it. Did you hear me?" Well, that was my dad as he bellowed with a stern face, emphasising on how grave the consequences would be if I disobeyed. "Yes daddy", I mumured...then my mum in her high pitched voice would add hers "Did you hear your father? Nobody should come here and you must not leave". In my mind, I was already strategising my movements...heaven and earth shall pass away but baby boy1 (remember him? 😂😂) must come and see me oo or I'll go to my friend's house that was just a stone throw from my own house.
My mum always wanted me to learn to love my family, not like I didn't oo, just that some how i didn't know how to express it without looking weird. I didn't talk much as long as i was at home. I chose staying in my room fantacising about a lot of things or sleeping or listening to 92.5 dream fm on the radio over watching TV with everyone in the living room and the consequence always had to be my mum breaking down my door...she literally kicked the whole thing down...like the entire door hit gbim on the floor😂💔
She tried as much as she could to get the fact that blood is thicker than water into my head and any other relationship out their wasn't as important as any relationship i felt i had outside. All that one was shaa not entering my head because i really didn't understand. Nobody was writing me letters in the house, nobody was telling me I LOVE YOU, nobody in the house understood when i was having mood swings, nobody kissed my forehead and said I had beautiful eyes, nobody was giving me that kind of attention and the was definitely what my 13 year old brain thought love was all about.
All the while i thought mum was just being jealous so i ignored her and my dad's teachings about the love of God first and then family. I continued to sneak out and sneak baby boy1 in. They never caught him in the house but some times, while i was out, my mum or dad came in earlier than expected from work to meet my absence, of course they knew there was just one place I would be so they'd wait and some how my guts would give me signals that its time to leave and I'll hurry home to my mom fuming.
Now here's the thing, if my mom was the one waiting for me, no matter how angry she was, she wouldn't do anything, but if it happens so often that she couldn't take it anymore, she'd report to my dad and I'll receive the beating of my life. If my dad was the one waiting for me? Haq! Y'all already know Dr U.S.A naaa 😂😂😂, anyways, that was only once and guess what? As a man who doesn't have time for hanky pankies, my gee just locked the gate and went back to work with the key.
That day baa? Hey God 😭 I wept my eyes balls out. I sat in front of the gate crying and crying, not because I was locked out oo, but because I just couldn't phantom what my dad would do to me when he got back. My mum got back from work and opened the gate, keeping a normal countenance like all was well. Haaaeeewwww, I just carried my heart in my hands and went inside the house.
My dad returned from work later that night and when I heard the sound of his car making its way into the house, i ran upstairs to my room and stayed there. My heart raced, when i heard his voice, I almost passed out. I was so scared, I struggled to breathe. He had his dinner and when he was sure every one had retired to their separate rooms, he yelled my full name. "Udu Grace!!!" Aahhhhhhh....I jumped up and hurried to his room, colliding with almost every piece of furniture I came across on this short journey to my doom😩💔
"So you have decided to be a disobedient child, you left the gate open for all the arms robbers in the state to raid...Idiot! I will call you an Idiot since you have decided to be one...criminal, armed robber"...Next thing was canes and wires and anything else within his reach, landing one after the other on several parts of my body. He beat me so much, i couldn't cry anymore. "Get out of my room!"...and i hurried out to go and sob on my bed till i slept.
For the rest of the week, I didn't go anywhere, my dad wouldn't respond to my greetings and somehow, since its a big house, I tried my best to avoid the big man till the whole tension was down and soon everything was back to normal and I continued to sneak out, trying my best to be smarter about it, i was caught a couple more times and flogged too but all that didn't matter to me as long as i had my moments with my friends.
Now I'm a lot older and I am at liberty to go wherever I want to, but here's the issues, I'm not so eager to go anywhere anymore.Considering all the things i have seen in the name of friendships and all the bullshit I've had to experience (which as a matter of fact inspired one of my blog posts "MY SPACE" ).
I have come to love my family a lot and as blessed as I am, I have a great extended family too, my cousins look out for me as if their life depends on it which of course is not so common in our contemporary society today.
Dear reader, don't get me wrong, i am not saying you shouldn't have friends...Proverbs 18:24, I love the way the New American Standard Bible (NASB) puts it, "A man of too many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother".
The problem with squads with numerous membership is, within your gees, your paddies, your home boys/girls, there are branches, smaller squads or cliques that really do not have your interest at heart. You really don't want to go through that heart break of discovering that pesin wey you fit swear say im dey for you no deal even reason your matter". Once I've been in a room and my "friend" went to the next room to talk about me. These same "friends" are the ones who make terrible impressions about you to strangers, making you gain haters you didn't bargain for and sometimes at the end of the day you don't even get a chance to make things right.
I really don't want to dwell so much on the evil people do in the name of friendships cos that is a very long and painful path to thread, I just want to say that you should stick to a smaller circle, try to understand you are going on this ship with a whole different person with a different background and try to make sacrifices whilst making sure you don't lose yourself in the process.
Finally, LOVE! Love wouldn't let you do hurtful things. Geniune love wouldn't let you back stab, gossip or do any sort of hurtful thing even in the face of fall outs. Let love lead, and just like the golden rule reads...DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WILL HAVE THEM DO TO YOU!