The Downside of School

SPLASH.

Or maybe that isn't what happens. Perhaps the popular kids invite you, the new kid, to come sit with them. Then you may call yourself lucky. Until you find out none of them are talking to you. You stay a while longer, but then they stop looking at you. One day, you come back to the table to see them only move away from you when you sit there. As if you were a disease, or a piece of trash.

You decide to stay with them, because "friends" are better than no friends. Right? No. Of course not. They start bullying you. Calling you a loser.
    "worthless."                      "disgusting."
                             "ugly."
                                          "lonely."
           "weirdo."

                                      "stupid."
"FATTIE!"                           

                      "u n l o v e a b l e."

"nobody likes you."

                                                       "useless."
"The world would be better
without you in it!"

"GO KILL YOURSELF!"

"...What?"
"You heard me! Go K-I-L-L your dumb, little self!"
Shock grows on your face. Everyone at the table laughs. Nobody stops it. Or helps. No. Nobody. They start throwing food and trash at you, and some people from tables do look shocked. But as people continue throwing stuff at you, a teacher notices.

They only tell them to stop throwing the food and completely disregard the situation and scene that just happened. They ignore you. You run into the bathroom and wash up, and when other people come to use the bathroom they look at you weirdly.

When you get home, you aren't feeling so good. Not really in a sick way, but you can't really put your finger on it. You don't understand the feeling and think about it through dinner, saying that your day was okay at school when they ask. You eat your food and then go to your room, thinking again what happened at lunch.

Everything being thrown at you, and what they said. Nothing really bothered you much, except for when they said to go and kill yourself. You'd thought about doing it for a while, but didn't know how you'd do it. You look at the rope in your closet. You ignore it for now and decide to go to bed. After all, it's already one a.m..

It was dark. Pitch dark. No, even darker. I put my arms out to feel for a wall. An assurance; a hope. I wandered carelessly in one direction, but never found a wall. An orange flame suddenly engulfed the space. Fire. I ran, but had nowhere to run to. I was trapped. All I could do was stand there. I was helpless as I stood there and waited for it to burn every inch of skin off my body until I was just a pile of ashes. I was shocked to wake up in that dark space yet again with bruised knees. I was lying on the ground, and opened my eyes. A sound similar to knives cutting through curtains in slow motion. Lights flashed on and I adjusted my eyes to the light before rising to my feet. I looked around and saw papers and pencils on the walls. They weren't just on the walls though. They were the walls. Something red dripped from the ceiling and before my eyes laid these 6 letters smeared in blood: SCHOOL.

I woke up with barely any air left in my lungs. I was sweating. I was out of breath and practically coughing. What time is it? I look at my alarm clock. 6:30. Mom should be coming in right about-
"Good morning sweetie! Oh my gosh- you look like you just saw a ghost!" And maybe I did. I just say that I am fine again and glance at the rope in my closet.

At least what happens at school can't be as bad as what happened in my dream. Which may have been actually true, but what happened today was pretty close to being just as bad. I walk into the building when the bell rings and everyone is unusually more rude to me. People specifically blocking my path, closing doors on my face, and whispering when they see me. I don't care though. It's probably just me.

First period I have a test. Great, just my luck. A test that I didn't even remember was today, because I was too busy sitting on my bed doing nothing. I thought I had payed attention in class, but that test proved me completely wrong. I didn't even remember learning most the stuff on it. I might have even cheated... but I didn't. I knew that cheating was wrong and I refused to do it. Out of nowhere, the girl sitting next to me shot her hand up into the air and accused me of cheating.

What the heck?! I looked at her paper and saw that it was one of the most popular girls in our grade. I honestly thought she was nice, but boy did this prove me wrong. I was asked if I cheated on the test, and of course I said no. But the teacher obviously took sides with the "teacher's pet" instead of me. I was given an hour of after school detention, for something I didn't even do. The next few periods passed and then it was time for lunch. I decided to eat my lunch in the bathroom since I didn't want yesterday to happen all over again.

I went onto YouTube and saw that my crush posted a video. OBVIOUSLY I was going to watch it. But you would not believe what that video was-
A full video, of people throwing food and pieces of trash at me. I cried and luckily was able to stop crying and clean my face by next period.

The rest of the day went by fairly quickly, with people still being impolite to me and slamming doors on me and such. But then the end of the day came. Time to serve my after school detention. Ugh. The teacher sucked and made me write "sorry for cheating" 100 times. When I didn't even cheat. And when I was done, I had to do it again. Until the hour was over. Do you know how painful it is to write for an hour straight? If you don't, you should know that it is painful. My hands hurt so badly it hurt to even open the door to leave when it was over. 

I walked home past a bridge after school. I cried when my parents went to sleep. I cried for hours. When I looked at the rope, I looked at it longer. I stared, and stared, and stared at it. I thought about the bridge and mindlessly walked to it.

SPLASH.

Please get help if you or someone you know is dealing with depression or is feeling suicidal. This writing all comes from my head, and I am not saying it is or is not realistic. Thank you for reading.