connected dots • discontinued

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"OH SHIT" J.One screemed loudly. "If you don't shut up I'll... I don't know what I'll do but I'm trying to write lyrics!" a furious small boy yelled back. "Changbin I know you're mad but I may or may not wrote in the groupchat that Chan sometimes stalks fanaccounts." The squirrel like looking boy answered in embarassment. "And why did you have to comment on a post of a person I know?! Why not anyone else?!" "Ask Chan that, I just answered. And also you're so dumb Jisung! Do you know how much could happend?!" "I said I have to walk my goldfish-" "Damn Han Jisung do you even have braincells?" An annoyed raven haired boy asked. "I paniced, okay?" They both continued to fight till Bang Chan came into the room. "Why are you arguing? Again?" "Because you commented on my friends post and I may or may not  made a little tiny mistake." "What did you do  now?" The eldest sighed. "He said that you sometimes stalk fanaccounts." The shortest of them answered making the leader groan in response. "It's been two weeks and y'all are already problematic." "We're sorry Hyung." The youngest answered slightly embarassed. "Just pay attention something like this never happens again, okay?" The asked boy nodded and the three continued writing lyrics.

After hours of concentration, composing, writing and even rappin a bit the boys decided to take a break and head out to their favorite café.
"Aren't we lucky we don't have to wear asks and sunglasses to go outside?" Changbin asked and the others nodded in response. "But actually I was thinking of doing a face reveal I am tired of all our fans asking how we look." Their leader said. "You know I can't do this Hyung" Jisung replied in exactly the same second. "Yeah I was just thinking. I mean it don't have to be today but I want to please our fans a little bit." Changbin nodded in understoodment. He knows that one day they will do a face reveal.

Jisung couldn't be happier. He does what he loves and he does it with people he feels comfortable around. He knows he would be too scared to reveal he looks firstly because he was insecure in his looks but more important because he has a social anxiety. He hates to be in crowded areas, he hates to be in the center of attention. He knows he couldn't do what he loves - what is rapping, composing, singing and all with music - when he knows people pay attention to him. He's okay with people paying attention to J.One. J.One doesn't have this stupid anxiety, he can perform. But Han Jisung could never. He's happy to have this stage personality. He's grateful towards his members and company that they allow him to stay undercover and that they don't force him to show his look-alikes. He's especially grateful since his members decided to also stay unrevealed so that he wouldn't draw attention. He think he owes them so much. And his members always tell him that he doesn't owe them anything. They always try to point out the positive aspects of not showing their faces to the public.

Sitting there at this smale café with his friends and members Chan knows he made the right decision. That he finally archived his big goal. He knows that the long time of training finally become worth-it. Here with Changbin and Jisung he finally feels right and welcomed.
Does he sometimes think about Australia? Sure he does. He misses hhis family, his friends there and he loves all the memories he made.
He remembres Felix the small kid who he always helped. He smiled at the thought of the cute hyper boy. He wonders how he's doing. He wonders if the other kids let him be. He hopes it so much. He always loved being around the little sunshine. He regret that he nerver allowed himself to come closer to him because he always was told it's not cool to hang out with youngers. He personally doesn't care but he was scared what other would think.
Does he regret his decision to move to Korea at this young age to become a trainee? Defintelly not, now that he archived his dream. There were times when he overthought his decision, when he doubted himself, when he just wanted to go back to Australia. But he overcame it and now he's happy how it is.

Sometimes Changbin feels less than the other member. He didn't trained as long as Chan, he isn't the reason they hide their faces... he's nothing special. Of course he would never tell his members that he feels like this. They always tease him with his hight. They're annoyed when he wants to focus on his lyrics and finish them, make them as perfect as possible. He does this because he wants to be an important part of their trio. Chan does most of the produing, Jisung writes the emotionalst lyrics... so he wants to make more and better songs, wanted to show that he's not just the third. That he's Seo Changbin and that he's skilled. And if he writes most of his lyrics about his exboyfriend... who cares?
How Hyunjin left him. For this Seungmin guy. Changbin risked his position as trainee becasue of Hyunjin, trainees aren't allowed to date. Especially not the same gender. But Changbin did. Because he loved Hyunjin.
And then one day he told Changbin that he breaks up with him because he fell in love with Seungmin.
He just wants to do better. He doesn't want to be left behind again.
So he doesn't care about the teasing he just works doubled as hard as he did before.

"I love you guys" Chan broke the silence between them, they all thought about different stuff. Changbin and Jisung  both smiled a little smile at thje eldest words and replied a small "I love you too"
Maybe Jisung blushed a little.
But just maybe.

- 20200221 -
Double update because HAPPY TWO YEARS STRAY KIDS