Flower Falls and Crystal Calls

Nothing Means Nothing Without You

Chapter 48

Elle's solution to her orders was to leave town entirely. That was how she found herself staying with her grandfather. She knew that being alone would be hard, but her captain had been right about one thing. She needed to figure out how to deal, or her life was going to be miserable. She hoped a few weeks in the relative silence of the boonies would be just what she needed.

Her grandfather was enough like her that they either got along really well, or they fought like cats and dogs. She was just grateful he didn't ask questions she wasn't ready to answer when she showed up and asked to stay while she was on leave.

She had been there for nearly a week and still hadn't figured out how to deal with any of her thoughts. It was not even noon yet, and she had managed to get away from her grandfather so she could think. He wouldn't expect her to be in the hayloft in the barn, though she wasn't sure he didn't know she was trying to hide. At least she was glad he understood enough to leave her to it.

It had taken some maneuvering for her to get herself up the ladder, but once she was up, she settled back against a bale that was falling apart and looked up at the ceiling. Her gaze was snagged by a hole in the roof that was big enough to let in a good amount of light. She could even see the blue sky beyond. She had the random thought that she should try and help while she was there if nothing else. It was evident that things were beginning to be too much for her Pops to handle by himself.

As she laid there and stared at the tiny splotch of blue that penetrated the darkness, she pulled out the one thing that was never far from her. She held it up against the backdrop of the sky and twirled the lock of hair. It was still so soft, and the feather was nearly iridescent in the bit of sunlight that touched it.

As she watched it spin, she just let herself feel, at least for that moment while she was alone. She was sure there was an ocean of tears behind her eyes, but she could not let them out. She was afraid if she did, then she would never stop crying.

Her attention was snagged when a light rain started to come in through the hole. Yep, she definitely needed to help fix that. Her thoughts about repairs trailed off as two birds flew in through the hole and up to a nest above her that she hadn't seen. She watched them with rapt attention as they shook off the water and then started grooming each other. As she watched them, all she could think about was Caius. He wasn't the only thing she missed about Paddra, but losing him left her feeling empty, not just hollowed. All she could do was pray that Etro allowed his crystal slumber to be peaceful. It was the least he deserved. She felt tears start to pool in her eyes and clenched her jaw as she blinked them back. She couldn't allow it, not even here.

She nearly jumped out of her skin as her focus was shattered by a voice calling out from the entrance to the barn. "Elle, are you in here? Pops said he thought he saw you sneaking out here."

Somehow, she managed to pull herself back from that figurative ledge and kept her voice even as she called out. "I'm in the hayloft."

She heard a soft curse and shuffling as her brother made his way over and up the ladder. She managed to wipe the dampness from the corners of her eyes and sit up before he made it all the way to the top. As soon as his head popped over the edge, he was glaring at her. "How the hell did you get up here anyway?"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "It's not impossible to climb with one arm, I just had to take it slow."

He finished the climb and plopped down next to her with a frown. It was a few seconds before he figured out what he wanted to say, and Elle was in no hurry for him to get it out. The farm was a lot closer to where he was in school than Chicago, but she doubted his reasoning for missing class was trivial.