A Court of Secrets and Desires - Book 1

¤ Chapter One ¤

Word Count: 3064

AZRIEL:

Sometimes Azriel is afraid to love.

He always expected love to never find him, never accept him. For him to just walk the path of life by himself forever, surrounded by the dark memories and shadows he has no control over. That was what Azriel saw in his future. All his life he had been denied love. Had it ripped from his grasp. By his stepmother and two half-brothers. Then by Morrigan, though Azriel didn't blame her. Later, Elain chose Lucien. All the people he had loved had chosen someone else or deprived the shadowsinger from the one thing he wanted, he needed. Love. He had been broken so many times he gave up. No female wanted someone as broken and bruised as the shadowsinger. He was just another Illyrian male that had no use. A background character. Even though the others in the Inner Circle told him that that wasn't it.

Though Azriel never really cared for the female thing. He was scared to tell his friends his secret. That he fancied males more than females. He had pretended to be interested in females for all those centuries, just another mask for him to put on. Only he was much more interested in males from the start of his life. He couldn't deny he was attracted to Morrigan. All his male lovers had been kept a secret. It was after all his life; they had no say in who he could love. They didn't even know! It was one of the many secrets Azriel shielded from his friends.

After the war with Hybern, Azriel took a break. He flew into the mountains and only returned after two months. He had still been working, only he did it from afar and didn't meet anyone face to face. Azriel returned to the House of Wind, his eyes filled with an unreadable sadness. Cassian and Morrigan attempted several times to lift his spirits, with no use. He stayed a distance from the other members, barely speaking unless prompted or to give information. His state concerned the rest of the Inner Circle. They wondered what could have happened for him to be like this. Azriel often took walks by himself through the city to clear his head and try and distract him from the lingering ghost of darkness at the back of his mind. He seemed to be looking for an escape. It came to him, in the form of a ball invitation and some poison.

The ball was to be held at the Day Court by Helion. All Fae were expected to be well dressed and behave themselves. Little did Azriel know, this ball would end up giving him happiness and the thing he craved, love.

¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤ ¤

"Helion has invited us to his Court to have an end of war ball. We are all invited as are the other Courts. It will take place in a week." Rhysand announced. The entirety of the Inner Circle and two others were present, lounging in the sitting room, having been summoned only a few moments ago.

On the couch, Mor had propped her feet up on Cassian's lap, his hands gripping her ankles. Amren sat in an armchair by the fireplace smirking at Rhysand. Feyre watched her mate, eyes full of love. Elain sat in another armchair with Nesta perched on the arm. Far from the others was Azriel. He stood off at a distance but still able to hear what anyone said, his shadows swirling around him.

"This means shopping!" Mor said excitingly. Feyre chuckled.

"It'll be interesting to see Helion again," Cassian joked, "Wonder if he's still chasing after us."

Thinking no one would notice, Azriel disappeared into shadow. He had left the house and headed to his own, which he had bought instead of staying with Cassian and Mor in the House of Wind. He lived in a small apartment by the Sidra. It wasn't much, a small dining room, sitting room and kitchen. A desk area for him to work at. A bedroom and a bathroom. Even a balcony looking out over the river. He kept this place a secret as most things in his life, warding it against anyone to be capable of finding it or winnowing into his home. Azriel laid down on his couch, trying to empty his mind of all thoughts. He would have to find something nice to wear. For now, he could relax.