A Court of Secrets and Desires - Book 1

¤ Chapter Six ¤

I don't usually like to put A/N at the beginning (at least for this book) but I wanted to address something: I know that order of which these events happened are probably not correct, so please let me know what is in the wrong place. I did my best to research it, but sadly....I don't think I did a very good job, so for that I apologize. Like I said please correct me if something is wrong/out of place. I also added some of my own things so I can follow the plot I have made up. Now for the real  reason you're here....

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TW: (it's memories from Azriel's past, so angsty as heck) abuse, suicidal thoughts, suicidal actions, self-degrading thoughts, torture, a small (not really) swear word

Word Count: 2287 (kinda short again longer chapters will happen!)

AZRIEL:

"I was thrown into the cell by my stepmother when I turned two years old. There were no windows, no light. I was kept in complete darkness and was only allowed one hour of sunlight a week; it was usually when I got to see my mother. I was kept in the dark for the longest time, no training, no flying. It was suffocating. It felt like the walls closed in around me. My only comfort came from the child-ish thought of me escaping, and becoming free. Eventually I knew that wouldn't happen, I was fated to spend my life in the wet cell that had become my home. I could sometimes hear the laughs and chatter of my half-brothers, stepmother and father form the house below. My only thoughts were, 'Why did I have to be born? Why was I alive? Does no one love me? What did I do wrong?' I was punished severely whenever my father would come visit me in the cell.

"It was around when I turned five years old when the shadows began to spin themselves around my body, whisper their findings in my ear. Secrets became known to me that shouldn't have. I told my father once, he was angry. The next day, he returned with a vial, needle and one of my half-brothers. He injected a small amount of the contents into my bloodstream. Even that small bit of poison burned like hellfire. My lungs felt like they were exploding, breathing seemed impossible. The poison went to my brain, creating hallucinations that would scare even the Cauldron. I saw my mother. She blamed me for all the pain she had gotten. I even saw my half-brothers using her for pleasure, she screamed, even then, that I was at fault. The worse part is that I believed her.

"My mother had always been kind to me. But for all I knew she could've been thinking of revenge against me and all the harm I caused her. In every memory I have of her, my mother is smiling down at me. Her brown eyes would be filled with happiness. As I got older, the more I saw the hidden sadness showing in her eyes.

"My father and half-brother would torture me with the same poison almost every night. I no longer knew what was real and what was a figment of my imagination. I became numb to the pain, staring at the ceiling with tears rolling down my cheeks."

Azriel took in a shaky breath, tears filling his eyes at the remembrance of all the agony he went through as a small boy. Kiran's own eyes watered. The healer held himself back from going back in time and kill the cruel camp Lord who Azriel calls his father.

"Every time they came, I begged them to kill me. My thoughts filled with intentions of dying, of ending it all. They never answered, they simply told me to be quiet. One day I wanted to try, I wanted to find some way to end my pathetic excuse for a life. So, I found a sharp rock and went to cut my throat or wrist, anything that would end the pain. I couldn't. I remember lying there, tears in my eyes, rock still clenched in my fist. Thoughts racing through my head like, 'I'm so pathetic.', 'Why can't I do anything?' and 'No wonder your mother doesn't like you. What a useless excuse for a person.' I never tried again. That doesn't mean I didn't think about it, I just could never bring myself to try again.