WITHERING LOVE

Chapter 43

"Alex can we talk?" Di siya makatingin sakin
Bigla akong kinabahan at nawala yung mga ngitisa labi ko
My heartbeat was beating so fast
Di ko alam kung bakit ako ganito kung kabahan

He didn't even call me babe or baby, but he just said my name
"Anong problema babe? I know something's bothering you" I directly said to him
"Oo, something's bothering me. And I feel so guilty and I'm so sorry Alex"

Na confuse ako sa sinabi niya
Bakit siya nag sosorry? Para saan? Don't tell me...
Di pa nag sasabi si Ace pero paiyak na ako
Ayokong magka totoo yung iniisip ako

I hope its not what I think
"I made a mistake Alex, a very very big mistake. I hope you know how sorry I am right now"
Di ko pa rin siya maintindihan

"Ano ba yun Ace? Di kita maintindihan pwede ba sabihin mo na sakin?" I was getting impatient
And I was about to cry
"Alex I....." he hesitated parang ayaw niya pa sabihin

"You what Ace?"
"You what??!" My voice cracked

"Im so sorry Alex, but I cheated on you" he averted his gaze somehwere else
Tumulo na lang yung luha ko
I couldn't speak, galit ako but I can't even talk
All I could do is cry in front of him

"Alex, I'm so sorry" he was trying to hug me
"No! Wag mo ko hawakan" tinataboy ko siya
I don't know what his reasons are, pero ang unfair naman neto
Ang sakit naman ng ginawa niya

What about all those promises? Papako niya na lang ba yun?
I have so much questions for him pero di ako makapagsalita sa sobrang galit
At sa sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko

I just cried and cried, he was just there looking at me
Sorry siya nang sorry sakin
I was silently crying kase ayokong marinig nila mama
Natutulog na sila and I don't want to disturb them

"Alex, I am so sorry please forgive me" umiiling lang ako sa kanya
I looked at him with fury in my eyes
Tears blurring my visions

Di ko na alam kung ano magagawa ko sa sobrang galit
I have to calm down so we could talk properly
I want to slap him, or even punch him
Pero kailangan namin mag usap

Ang dami ko pang gustong tanungin sa kanya
"Alex..." nag salita siya ulit
Hinarang ko yung kamay ko telling him to stop

I deeply sighed, naubusan ako nang hininga kakaiyak
"Ace.." konting boses lang ang lumalabas sa bibig ko
"Ace.. bakit mo nagawaw yun?" Tanong ko at paiyak na ulit ako
But I'm trying not to

"Di pa ba ako sapat para sayo? Ginawa ko naman lahat diba?"
Di na sana ako iiyak but I couldn't help it
"Ganun na ako ka walang kwenta Ace?" I was getting mad at him again

"No Alex, its not that. You have all the worth and I'm already lucky to have you." Nag explain pa siya
"Then why Ace? Bakit mo ginawa sakin to? Bakit ka nag hanap nang iba?" Ngagalit na ulit ako sa sakanya

Tahimik lang si Ace
It looks like he doesn't even know how or what to answer to all of my questions
"Ano? Di ka sasagot?" I'm asking you" galit kong sabi
Malapit ko na siyang pag hahampasin
Pero pinipigilan ko pa rin yung sarili ko

Ace deeply sighed

"Yung mga panahon na wala ka sa tabi ko, I missed you everyday. You weren't there by my side and its really hard for me not seeing you. Alam kong mali Alex, at di ko dapat ginawa yun" I scoffed at his statement

"But I met this girl, gumaan yung pakiramdam ko sa kanya. Masaya ako kapag kasama ko siya, all my worries and tireness... nawawala lahat yun. She makes me feel better, dapat di ko nafeel yun since I have you, pero di ko na pinigilan. Di ko din alam sa sarili ko Alex, pero yun yung naramdaman ko"

Tumigil yung ikot nang mundo ko
Habang pinapakinggan ko yung sinasabi niya
Umiiyak na lang ako
Nagagalit sa kanya na gusto ko siyang palabasin nang bahay

Gustong gusto ko na sumigaw sa sobrang galit
My heart hurts so much na parang di na ako makahinga
"Ace bakit? Akala ko sabi mo kaya natin to?" I was just mumbling the words right now

"Pero bakit ikaw yung unang bumitaw Ace? Alam kong malayo tayo sa isa't-isa pero di mo dapat ginawa yun. Mahal mo ko diba? Diba?" Gusto ko marinig yung sagot

"Im sorry Alex" yun lang yung nasabi niya
He's trying to hug me again but I refused, I didn't want him to touch me anymore
Sa araw nang grad ko pa talaga niya ginawa to

"I told you to just stay here Ace pero ayaw mo, was that the reason why you didn't want to stay here anymore?" Tanong ko ulit sa kanya

At sana naman hindi yun yung sagot niya

"No, hindi yun yung rason. Gusto ko lang kayo makasama at makita everyday" sagot niya
"Sana pinag usapan man lang natin to, diba sabi namin di pa sigurado yung ganun na plano? But you didn't have to cheat Ace, bakit mo kailangan gawin yun?"
Paulit ulit na lang yung tanong ko

Di ko tanggap yung ginawa sakin ni Ace
"Alex, I'm really really sorry. I truly am"

"No Ace, tama na. And no, you're not sorry, di mo tinigil yung relasyon niyo nung babaeng yun. You didn't even think of me and how I would feel Ace. And what? You're sorry?" I laughed sacartiscally

"Ace ang sakit sakit nang ginawa mo sakin, kailan mo pa ako niloloko Ace? Huh?"
Di na naman siya makatingin sakin
Di ako makapaniwala sa nangyayari ngayon
"Since that day you started going back to school" he answered

Imbes na tumigil na yung luha ko, tumulo na naman ulit

"Kaya pala, parang wala ka nang gana maki pag usap sakin. And you're always telling me your busy. Pero busy ka naman pala jan sa kabet mo!" Galit kong sabi
"Bakit di mo na lang tinapos dun pa lang? Huh? Bakit pinatagal mo pa nang ganito?" Tanong ko na naman

"And you just have to do it in my graduation day, where I'm supposed to be happy Ace.
Masaya dapat ako kase, andito ka and I achieved my goals. I was thinking of you as my inspiration. And then what? Ito yung gagawin mo sakin? Napaka unfair mo naman" umiiyak na lang ako sa sakit

"I didn't want to break up with you over the phone, gusto ko personal kitang makausap. I wanted to talk about it properly, look Alex I'm so sorry. Nadala ako nang tukso, sorry di man lang kita naisip and I didn't think that I could loose you, yes I was stupid Alex and I'm sorry" makaawa niya

"Sa sobrang tagal natin Ace di mo ko naisip sa lagay na yun? You know what Ace tama na, you already made a mistake. Its done, di mo na maitatama yun, di mo na maibabalik kung yung nawala sayo." I can't even look at him, I am disgusted by him right now

"I know how you feel Alex-" I cut him off

"No you don't, di mo alam kung gaano kasakit yung ginawa mo. Di mo alam yung nararamdaman ko Ace. I waited for you everyday, lagi kitang naiisip. Sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na babalik ka rin, na pag maging ookay na yung lahat makakasama na rin kita ulit. Babalik ulit tayo sa dati; araw araw kitang namimiss Ace, iniisip ko lagi na para satin to, yung ginagawa mo at yung ginagawa ko. Pero lahat nang to mapupunta lang pala sa wala" sabi ko habang umiiyak at may kasabay na galit

"Thank you for telling me everything Ace, malaya ka na. And for our parents, wag mo muna sabihin sa kanila. We could tell them before you leave. Sige akyat na ko, sa kabilang kwarto ka na lang matulog, you're lucky wala dito si Ate kat." Inirapan ko siya umakyat na ako sa kwarto

Mag dadabog na sana ako
Pero na alala ko, gabi na pala at tulog na yung mga tao
Akala ko tapos na akong umiyak

Akala ko natuyuan na ako ng luha
But then my tears started to fall again

Pinaka-massakit sa lahat
Yung iiyak kang tahimik
Yung gusto mong isigaw yung iyak mo pero di mo magawa

Yung puso ko, sobrang wasak na
Di ko na alam yung gagawin ko

Di ko din alam kung ano mangyayari sa buhay ko
But I hope di ako mapunta sa maling direksyon