Agape

Houseplant

I'm watering my houseplant. For the first time in weeks actually. I had more or less forgotten about it or I didn't care enough, so the plant had gotten into worse and worse shape until not only the top spikes had gotten that brown-greyish colour but almost the whole plant had descended into a sad, depressing state. Now I care about the plant again and hopefully it will be back in shape sooner rather than later. 

About two or three months ago I met this one guy. He was very nice, charming, intelligent,humorous and confident, but the good kind of confident, not the cocky kind but the kind that isn't afraid to make mistakes and know what he cant but more importantly also what he can't do kind of confident He was so nice and generally pleasant to talk to, so that I instantly had a huge crush on him. I could tell he felt similarly but obviously in a toned down version because I think I'm not the kinda guy someone can easily fall in love with head over heels. I am more reserved, more introverted and especially more awkward, which was the first and most obvious thing people notice about me. The fact that this guy found my awkwardness more intriguing than, well, awkward and off putting was so new to me that I fucked it up right then and there. I told a lie. Not one of those bad lies but a lie that if it sicks around long enough can really fuck you up, big time. 
And what did I do? What did the lie do? It obviously stuck around, I was too afraid, too ashamed but most importantly too comfortable with the lie to ever talk about it even when I knew that sometime, someday the truth would come out and it would be that much harder to accept it.
And well someday, sometime I did finally get enough courage to talk about the lie. And almost as if someone had predicted it he was very upset, understandably upset but it still hurt so much seeing him this upset. He wanted some time to re-evaluate and I told him that I completely understood because well I did   and yet it still hurt me deeply as he turned away.
Looking at the situation now not much has changed  between us and we both came to terms quickly with what happened, so everything was the same but at the same time everything was not the same. Now it hurt so much more when he was talking to other guys and girls and the embarrassment for feeling as jealous as I did was almost excruciating.

From now on I will try to water and take care of my houseplant everyday, no exceptions even if it is hard sometimes.