Amanda's pov
I was walking around backstage at bgt a year after Simon had died, I stopped when I got to the door that had his name on it, I opened the door and walked into his dressing room for the first time and noticed that nothing had changed. I closed the door behind me and walked further into the room and noticed a picture on his make-up table, I picked up and noticed it was a picture of the two of us together and started to tear up.
"I knew you would be here" Alesha whispered stopping next to me.
"This is the first time I've been here since that day" I said softly trying to hide my tears.
"Yeah but it's been a exactly a year since he um you know" Alesha said carefully as David also walked into the room as well.
"I know" I sighed putting the picture down.
"What's that?" David asked looking kind of sad.
"I found a picture of Simon and I" I said showing him the picture.
"Oh" David said looking at the picture "I miss him" He sighed
"Me too" Alesha said softly "He acted like an asshole but he was one of the kindest people I'd ever met" she added
"He was actually really funny" Stephen said joining us in the room with Ant and Dec.
"He was" I said softly as the others agreed
"I think we are doing a tribute to him tonight" Ant said and Dec nodded.
"I don't think I can handle that" I sighed looking at the picture of his smiling face,
"I don't think I can either" Alesha whispered
"Did you see that interview his mum gave earlier today?" David asked softly
"No but I can imagine it must of been emotional" Ant sighed
"I can't imagine what she must feel, if I lost my daughter then I don't know if I could keep living especially the way she lost Simon" Dec whispered
"It already sucks for us and we aren't his mum or siblings" Stephen said, 'I wish I just told him the truth before he was on the edge' I thought to myself.
After the show
I went right back to Simons dressing room after the show and broke down after watching that tribute they made for him when something caught my attention I picked it up and noticed it was a note
Dear whoever finds this
I'm sorry if I hurt you by killing myself but I want you to know that I couldn't handle being here anymore, my chest always hurt and the only people I have ever loved never loved me back the same way. Not to say that it's all their fault cause it's not and they aren't the reason for me doing what I did. I was going to die soon anyways cause of my cancer that I never told anyone about cause there was no point in upsetting everyone with it, maybe if I was with someone or had kids I wouldn't of done it and I would've tried much harder to fight it than I did but it was too difficult for me to do it just to be alone anyways. Please show this letter to Amanda, my mum and my siblings. I love you all so much.
I put letter in my purse as I sobbed into one of Simons white shirts that were left behind, "I love you Simon" I sobbed, "I love you too" I heard a soft whisper, I looked up and saw Simon walking out of the room.
