All the broken things - Asanoya

8: Though thoughts

Looking out of the hospital window was a surreal experience, everything went by the routine, people walking their dogs, traffic jams in the busiest hours of the day, sometimes an ambulance rushed in with sirens, only Asahi was still. Maybe there was one thing sometimes changing, which was that the gnawing ache from his whole body was replaced with the numbness of analgesics, but then they wore off and the pain was there again.
Unfortunately not even the drugs were strong enough to completely shut out at least his feelings. The world was leaving him behind; his friends graduated and will soon be in college, far away from the small Karasuno. It will take just some time and Nishinoya will forget him too, maybe that's for the best. What could he even possibly give him? He was just a nuisance for everyone close to him, there was no future waiting for somebody who has no educaton and can barely move.
- You okay? - the slight push to his healthy side brought him back to the present.
Suga was sitting in the bed next to him, they were watching some comedy film together on the small TV the hospital provided. It was a rear sight to see him without Daichi being present, but the captain was helping out his grandma this afternoon with her groceries.
Nowadays even the two of his best friends, who used make it their personal mission to bugger him, were way too gentle. It was making Asahi crazy, but in the same time he wasn't sure if he could handle anything more intense.
- Yeah, just some headache - the brunet lied. It wasn't even really a lie, his head did hurt for most of the day anyway.
- Do you want me to call the nurse? Get you some meds?
It was almost scary how fast Sugawara was able to change into "mom-mode".
- No, no! It's okay!
- Asahi, I swear to god if you are just saying this because you don't want to bother the nurse, I will give your head a reason to hurt!
- I am pretty sure he already has a good reason for it - both high-schoolers turned to the door as Kou stepped in without knocking - But Suga still has a good point.
- See? Kou agrees with me - the grey haired vice-captain bragged.
It actually wasn't really a surprise, Kou and Suga always get on really well and had similar opinions about most if the things. If somebody spent enough time to get to know them, it was easy to see the underlying similarities in their personalities even against the age-gap between them.
- I have to admit, when the nurse said that you are with one of your friends watching movies I was kinda expecting Nishinoya - Kou smiled down on his bedbound brother teasingly.
Everyone on their family knew about his crush on the libero, even before they met the short boy for the first time, and during the last two months it got quite obvious that he likes the youngest member of Azumane family too, so now they were just waiting for the two of them to finally find a way to talk about their feelings.
- Yeah - Asahi answered after the awkward silence which set up - You guessed it wrong.
- Now that you say... I haven't seen him here for a few days, did something happened? - Kou's voice turned to protective suddenly.
- Kinda... I told him to leave...
- What did he do? - he didn't even question if it was Nishinoya's fault or not, whatever is going on he will always be on his little bother's side, and make sure everyone else will regret hurting him.
- Nothing! - even in a situation like this Asahi felt the urge to defend the libero from any assumptions -He was really nice... I just didn't want him here...
- Why? - now Sugawara joined the conversation too. Of course, he realized that something was up when Nishinoya started to interrogate him every time they met about Asahi and his recovery, but till now he didn't really know how to ask about it.
- Is this even a question? Look at me! - the spiker fulminated - I am just a burden for everyone.
The despair concentrated in those words and the hot tears running down on Asahi's face suddenly left both visitors speechless. Only the soft voices from the film still going could be heard.
- Don't be stupid.... You are not a burden - Sugawara was the first to find his voice.
Kou gave the vice-captain a stern look.
- Can I talk with my brother?
Asahi brushed away the wetness from his eyes, as his friend left. He was already regretting to let his emotions to be shown. He just made one more worry to people who cared about him.
To his surprise when he finally looked up Kou's eyes had an unnatural shine from the tears he held back. He couldn't recall any other times he saw his brother cry than their father's funeral.
- I don't wanna hear that from you ever again! Do you understand? We all worried ourselves sick, praying to every possible god to get you back! I was happier the day when you finally woke up than when I married the love of my life... And you say you are a burden? Asahi, I don't think you get it how important you are to all of us, how close we were to not getting to spend anymore time with you - now he lost the fight and the tears rolled out of his eyes - What happened to you is terrible, and you have all the right to take as much time as you need. You should take care of yourself first, and that's not an act of being selfish, and it is your right to seek help and support from us, you can get angry or sad, and you can express your frustration. But don't say that you are a burden, because that belittles all the struggle we went through in those weeks... We all couldn't be happier than having you around us again!
Kou had to stop for a few seconds, before his emotions carried him away, to take some calming breaths. He wasn't usually the one who liked to have such heart-to-heart discussions.
- And Asahi, about that boy... believe me, I had my doubts at first too, but he kept proving time after time how much you mean to him, and I am sure he is dying to see you even now, but he is respecting your wish enough to rather suffer somewhere away. I get it if you need some time, but when you feel like that... give him a chance. He is a good guy,....

----

Lying in the dark room, fighting his insomnia was how Asahi spend the nights now. He enjoyed the dark and quiet environment.
Everyone talks about survivors, but they don't speak about what happens after, how any sharp light or voice can induce an excruciating headache, how much the physiotherapy hurts when they are moving his body by force, the needles, and pills, CT, X-rays, the itching scars as they are healing, the pain in his chest he breaths or coughs with broken vertebra. Most of his bones have healed in the time he was unconscious, but thanks to him being immobile for the whole time they were fragile, and any harder pressure on it could break it again. How could he ask anyone to put up with this mess? Especially someone like Nishinoya? Asahi was holding his phone for long minutes, contemplating if he should do something or not.He missed Noya, but he didn't want to ruin the way his upperclassman remembers him.
But then again... maybe he is hurting him with keeping him away, and thats worse than losing his pride. He once promised him after their fight that he will never leave him like that again... Maybe now is the time to keep that promise.

----

Nishinoya was quite moody to say at least. Not like he wasn't happy that Asahi woked up, but he was still ill, and sad, and Noya just wanted to be there for him, and help him to see again how awesome and strong he still is.
Staying on the sideline was driving him crazy, but if that's what helps Asahi, he has to deal with it.
- Common honey, he is alright, and its tottaly understandable if he needs some space now that so many things changed around him. And you are proven to be overdramatic when it comes to him, do you remember your first year detention? - his mother slowly started to lose her patience about this subject.
That's why they ended up in Nishinoya's room, who was lying in the bed, his head burried under the pillows, hoping he can avoid this conversation.
- It's not like that mum!
- Then? Yuu, common, he is just a friend, not even one of your closest friends! You barely met him outside of volleyball... You should go out with Ryuu rather...
- He is not just a friend!
-Then? - Mrs. Nishinoya got confused by the unexpected answer.
Now finally the libero sat up too, so he could look his mother in her eyes.
He should tell it sooner or later anyway.
- Asahi is kinda... - he answered with shy voice as he was waiting for her reaction - more than just a friend.
- More? - she was still in denial.
- You know... More than just a friend - Nishinoya stressed the world, still waiting for his mother's reaction.
- Oh... - she suddenly seemed quite uncomfortable - I see...  That means you are...?
This was the worst conversation they ever had, avoiding the eye contact and just trying to push through it.
Nishinoya felt his hand getting slippery from the perspire.
- Kinda...
- So boys?
- And girls to...
- Thanks god - she sighted before she could think it through, but then she corrected herself really fast - I mean... Sorry, but you with a boy... It's not really what I imagined for you. Whatever you choose you are still my son and I love you.
- Thanks, mum - Nishinoya let out a small smile.
- But I need some time to get used to it... Sorry.
- Yeah, sure - the smile dissapeared.
- Does your father know?
- Not yet...
- Your friends?
- Some of them...
- I see, it's your decision who you wanna tell, just be careful. Not everyone will be nice - there was some saddnes on her face, what the libero couldn't really place for why.
She left him alone in his room shortly after that.
Well, that could have gone better, but a lot worse too. The libero didn't really know what to think about this converstation and finally coming out to somebody from his family.
His phone buzzed with a new text right next to him, disrupting the endless circle of thoughts he entered.
It was exactly what he needed to keep him from spirraling down in his mind.

Asahi: I am sorry, can we talk?

A.N.: sorry for getting absent sometimes, and thank you for motivating me with comments :) I honestly love reading it!

And sorry for the title, I am out of ideas for them. (Yeah, if somebody has some I am listening 😅 help the girl out)