Destiny Bound us

A feel of nothingness.

Date: 14th July 1982

Hey Diary!

Don't ask me why i didn't write for the past few days, Don't ask me what happened to me, Don't ask me how's your days in your college, Don't ask me why the hell i didn't give ear to my father's advice. He was right, two hundred per cent, he always wishes for the best in my life. He went against my whole orthodox Bengali family and sent me miles away to pursue my dreams. To pursue the dream of becoming an entrepreneur. Why you did that, baba? You know what's happening with me in this college. I completely lost the track, baba. Nobody believes me. 

You're right, baba. I shouldn't have to trust anyone so sooner.  I feel like dying, baba. I am not strong anymore. I am not your Jhansi rani anymore. That kavish, whom i thought was my friend, betrayed. He told the entire campus that we had sex together. Baba, the whole campus see me like a slut. But nothing happened between us baba. We both just talked, just a conversation, how could someone turn a simple, mere conversation as sex. when you called me Last night, i could able to say anything to you, I couldn't able to burst everything to you. 

When my one of the classmate, shivaay Nair, told me about this, i didn't believe. I thought he must be blabbering something and I even slapped him for warning me. He initially told that Kavish was not the guy like he's looking outside. I thought he was jealous like every other boy in the college. But he was actually saving me from getting bullied. He dragged me out of the classroom and asked me to go back to the hostel room when some guys purposefully tried to touch me during the class. I was numb, What shall i do, baba? shall i come back to home?  What will others say if i come back to home? Especially, Maushi? Is it okay to die? Baba, i can't imagine that. Baba, I need you, Baba...

DAY: 15th July 1982.

Hey diary, 

Decisions are the variable.  I understand that, but when the unexpected things come to you at the most needed time will always remain in you heart forever. I never expected, My door would bang in the middle of the night, I never expected that he will come in the woman attire just to see my condition. I was not in the condition to greet him and welcome him inside. but he didn't expect that Instead took the chair and sat opposite to me. He was silent, but when i saw bangles in his hairy hands, I had to smile. I smiled even i had no courage to face the next day in the college. 

Why you wore this? i asked him, but he didn't answer my questions rather looked at me wierdly. I don't know why. he was there in my room, we were alone, and the time reached post one pm. but then too, I didn't feel any fear. His gaze didn't frighten me, Instead, gave me the courage to ask him why he was staring me like this in my normal tone after these many things happened to me. 

"Nothing, Just wondering... You're strong from birth or you're acting... but you're actually strong, Yaar" he said in a Malayalam-English mixed tone. 

"What you mean?" i asked him when i didn't get his question. 

"You know you ranking first for the continuous three times in the simple mock tests and kavish scoring second rank for the continuous three times... You didn't notice that?" he asked me and made me think out of the box. 

"You're saying, he did everything for ranks," i asked him. 

"Men's ego can go to any extent If they got hurt," he said and made a valid point and i stay silent. 

"So, What are you thinking about tomorrow?" he asked me. I again had no answers to his questions. But he had a valid point but i didn't speak anything.