Fox Of Greed (Greedy Fox Book 1)

~~ FORTY THREE ~~

A/N: I'm back~ It has been a while, my readers! I've been trying extra hard to finish off the story and I can safely say that I have completed the outline and base notes for the remaining chapters - atm, there are seven to go :{ - and the finale (cue epic battle scene).

{{ EDIT (6/9/20) :: the above is a lie - I'm up to 60 something chapters in the word doc and I'm not done yet 0-0 That's a little more than seven I believe }}

Please let me know your thoughts below on the chapter. It was one of the harder ones to write because I had to try and show how the two sides of Estra are affecting her and how Leraj's motives impact who she is. If that makes sense. Let me know if you have any ways I could make it better :)

Without further ado, here's the chapter!

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Heido trotted dutifully ahead, ears swivelling, tails cocked up in anticipation of a threat. I bobbled along on Myra, the adrenaline from the night seeping away and letting in the weariness, the façade of strength falling away.

Memory after memory. Nightmare after nightmare. Countless times I found tears on my cheeks, my chest constricted until my breaths ached. Heido whined when I jerked awake again, throwing a worried glance my way.

I opened my mouth to reassure him but nothing about this was okay. I didn't feel like me anymore; I'd been torn in two and put back together again with all the wrong information. Now two sides of me – fake and real – battled, throwing my emotions like grenades and using conflicting memories as ammunition to twist my insides.

And worse than that was what I felt for Leraj. I pined for him while berating myself for such emotions. I should hate him with every fibre of my being but... I sighed, pressed my palms into my eyes but the darkness there held no answers.

I wanted to scream and wail; instead, I swallowed the hysterics that left a lump in my throat. The emotions inside of me where hard to untangle, woven so tight around memories that I had made and memories that had been made for me. My sanity was hanging on by a thread and I was trying very, very hard not to hold a pair of scissors to it. 

My arms found themselves around my body. How could I go on after everything I'd done as a Holy Knight? My friends... I squeezed my eyes shut, saw the memories of Vaizel, and opened them again. My friends would probably never trust me again.

Inner me sat in the corner surrounded by my two, shattered lives wondering if it was worth putting everything back together again.

I could run away. The temptation brought Myra to a halt and I looked off into the distance. Mountains rose against the indigo sky. I could spur her towards them and not look back. I could live a simple life, in a simple town, no worries of war and demons and magic. Over time, they'd all forget. No one would remember me, would remember the fox of Greed or the Holy Knight from Liones. It would be so easy...

And when have you been one to give up? Didn't your parents raise you to be stronger? Disappointing really.

I gritted my teeth.

You are no simple fox so you cannot have the simple life. Are you not a deadly sin, one of the strongest of the seven? Or are you nothing but a scared, little mouse?

My nostrils flared.

I knew who I was. Who I had been as well. It was hard to distinguish between the two now but maybe I wasn't supposed to. I couldn't change what had happened nor the memories stuck in my head; but I could mould my future.

As the sun's rays began to kiss the heavens, I sat up straight in the saddle. The fog of torment lifted away and ever so slowly, I picked up the pieces, fitted them where they were meant to go and let them shape the new me.