James

Chapter 9

When you wake up.

- - - - -

Aleks' POV:

I stare in disbelief.

Did I just hear him right? No...I couldn't have.

Could I?

"W...W-wha?" I close my eyes, shaking my head. Thoughts wouldn't process and words wouldn't form.

"I-" His voice brakes slightly, as though he hadn't drank in weeks and his throat was sandpaper.

"I do remember all of those nights. And I'm so sorry for not telling you before."

I'm so confused and shook up and a thousand other things that I can't label - but anger rises in the mixture which crashes and clashes like the waves of an ocean within my mind.

"Why the hell did you never tell me?!" I hiss, glaring at the love of my life.

He swallows and fear is evident in his wide, glossy eyes which are still so damn warm that I want to curl up in the confines of his being, yet I want to tear him apart at the same time. I've never wanted to hurt James before, not really. I know we fight a lot at the office, though more times than not - we just laugh it off. But now...Now it feels different and I don't know why...

James' POV:

I don't know whether telling him was a good idea or not but I certainly regret letting it slip right now. 

His face is cast with such exhaustion and he looks so weak. I pay more attention to this than his anger - though it pains me and scares me to know he's mad when there isn't the comfort of knowing it's all in good humor.

I clear my throat again, never breaking our eye contact despite the stomach it required.

"Aleks, I don't know what to say right now other than I'm sorry. But just- please can we talk about this tomorrow? You're exhausted, you're in no state for this."

I reach out towards his pale, nimble hands but think otherwise, retracting my own hands before they touch his.

"...You're shaking." I whisper.

I hate seeing him ill, I hate seeing him weak.

I hate seeing him as anything other than okay.

His darkened eyes hold their glare but slowly soften along with his unattractive frown before he finally sighs and slumps as though he had just deflated right before me.

My hands run over my face before I stand up.

"I'll...I'll see you when you wake up."

At least I know he is going to wake up this time...

"Wait."

My body was half turned to the door but hesitantly I faced him once again.

"Just...One thing before you leave?"

"Anything."

His hand came up to grab the front of my t-shirt, pulling me down with a strength I didn't know he possessed in his current state. Before I knew what had happened, our lips were touching - his moving rather frantically against my own. I kiss back hesitantly, no thoughts occupying my seemingly intoxicated mind, and I slowly lower myself to sit on the edge of his bed.

I blink in shock when he pulls himself away, but only a few centimetres, his hand still bunched in the fabric of my shirt. Next, his breath pools over my mouth as he whispers in a voice I've never heard from him before, his eyes half lidded but still looking right into my own and his eyebrows dipped in a look of desperation.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

The words escaped me with such ease but I don't remember ever giving thought to them; especially aimed at Aleksandr Marchant, my friend, my co worker, my roommate.

His long, thin fingers slowly but surely let go of me, his lids rising along with the most beautiful and radiant smile I'd ever seen forming on his shadowed face. The two sources of light within his room illuminate his features in all the right ways, and I just look and look and look.

And right then and there, I felt safe. I felt happy. I felt whole. The constant anxiety that I pushed down dissolved and faded like dust in the wind and I realized I love Aleksandr Marchant. Those words that slipped from my lips with minimal effort were so deathly true and I don't know why I had been so damn stupid as to not know sooner. I didn't even think about taking them back, I didn't even consider regret. I wasn't scared or nervous. I was happy.

And I smiled back.

"Goodnight, Aleksandr."

- - - - -

A/N: Some say love is evil, some say it is precious. Some say love is a gift, some say it is a curse.

I say love is a wild animal that needs to be tamed rather than caged, kept healthy by all who partake in the relationship.