James

Chapter 11

Truth.

- - - - -

James' POV:

I suck in a shaky breath, standing before him, taking hold of his hand and wincing when he pulls away from my grasp.

"I just wanted to keep those nights and our friendship separate. They're both very special to me but those nights are...I don't know any other word to use other than precious."

I chuckle, shaking my head in disbelief at my own words.

"I sound dumb, I know..."

I interrupt myself again with a sigh, my eyes staying on the ground between our feet and a sad smile tugs at my lips when I see our matching red socks.

"But it's true, none the less. The paranoia along with the intimacy is something I want to keep secret, safe and mine. Only for us two to know. I don't know, I guess it adds to the serenity of it. It's like another world, another life...And though it's scary, fucking terrifying, it's ours and it's a time when we can just have an excuse to be as close, lovey-dovey and cheesy as we like. Everything else goes out the window, y'know? And even though we have this now, I'd still like to keep it the way it is. I hate how much I care about it but, I love the way you are with me, I love the way you worry about me and hold me and take care of me, like I might fade from existence at any moment. How kind and gentle you are, how your eyes seem to catch, understand and appreciate everything. How you try everything to make it all better, remember all of which that work and do all of those right things. I love how you can make me smile when I'm just so fucking horrified. Fucking ay, it's just complicated. But I hope you understand. Or at least, not hate me."

A sharp intake of air and out of nowhere, tears begin to blur my vision and no matter how hard I tried to hold them back, they still spill over and drip from the tip of my nose.

"I really couldn't deal with you hating me, Aleksandr. I need you." I whisper pathetically, my voice wavering.

Those same thumbs come up to wipe the tears from my eyes and like always, I close them, thriving in his touch.

"I love you so much." The words come involuntarily again, but I don't care in the least.

I watch his feet come closer and feel his arms wrap around my neck, his head nestling beneath my chin.

"I love you too, James."

I close my eyes, smiling easily and wrapping my own arms around his waist, hoping to shield him from all the pain he's been dealing with over the past months.

- - - - -

A/N: There's usually a reason people have secrets and you can either respect them or dismiss them. You can either resolve the problem or lose the person.