drenched in sadness┊𝑗𝑜𝑛𝑔𝘩𝑦𝑢𝑛

셋┊three

it almost seems as if time stopped. the same thoughts keep crossing my mind and every day appears to be just a copy of the one before. when will i break through? will i ever be able to break out of this misery i've put myself in - well more or less i've been put in it.

i'm tired. so tired. i feel so weak. but it's okay to be weak. at least you told me so. oh you..the one who always appeared to be lost in deep thoughts. you always cheered up everyone else and you did everything to try to comfort the ones you loved.

speaking in third person about you..something i never imagined i would have to do. something i never wanted to do. but i have to. i must be strong. some days everything seems bearable - i can think about you with a smile on my face and a warm feeling in my chest, knowing you're fine now.

i wish it was the other way around, but to be honest most days proceed the exact opposite - i wake up with low energy, the day passes as my urge to cry grows. i try so hard to not let every single detail remind me of you. you and your unbearable suffering. the pain you carried within your heart and mind.

i'm still so sorry and i will always be. but today, i promise you to hold on. as much as it hurts, as much as i feel like i'm broken and as much as the exhaustion that grows every second i live brings me, as much as i feel like i just cannot hold onto life anymore,

i will live.