So we're going to have to backtrack just a bit. A few months before, the um, the hurricane, if you will.
Let's start with party number one. That was way back in May, while our band was on break.
Michael I was an asshole.
I mean, yeah he's my best friend, sure. But he was an asshole. He would force me to go to parties I didn't want to be at, get drunk, find a girl, go upstairs and fuck her, come back down stairs, and find another sleazy girl to go home with.
Which was just fine for Michael. He was just as sleazy as those girls.
I was incredibly antisocial, while he was incredibly social. It disgusted me.
I was always left to find somewhere to sit and make conversation with people I didn't know, or care to know for that matter. I could do what Michael does, find a random girl, proceed to frickle frackle, and then never see her again. I mean I could totally do that. I'm Luke Hemmings. I could get anything I want. Trust me, I've realized that. However, being the oh-so-sweet guy that I am, I feel bad for the girls. It's just not cool. It's kind of gross really. I mean, you don't know if these girls have diseases. Why risk death, when there is the safety of your hand? It's called common sense.
Anyways, usually by the end of the night, like right now, I find Michael and help him stumble his way into the car and drive him home.
I look around the large house and push my way past drunk sweaty bodies trying to dance with each other. Michael seems to be uncooperative, and forgotten our routine.
This is so typical of him. He left with somebody else, and left me with no car, and no other means of transportation. I sigh and whine, stomping my foot on the floor like an overprivileged teen. You know, typical hollywood life things.
I decide to call him. It goes straight to voicemail.
"Michael you fricking ass nugget. I hope you wake up as salad dressing and not even the good kind like ranch. No I hope you are like a gross ass catalina or some shit okay. Wait no, better yet, I hope you turn into fucking mayonnaise because it's disgusting okay."
A voice came from behind me, "Woah, who are you going around calling ass nuggets? And wishing they turn into salad dressing? And then mayonnaise? You know what they say, be careful what you wish for."
"Ah, my dear, but in fact, I did not wish for my friend to turn into mayonnaise, I hoped he would." I reply with a small smirk on my face before turning around to see the voice who challenged my witty and sarcastic insults with sass. I had to say, my quick wit is one of my favorite things about myself.
Holy shit.
That is an amazing looking female human specimen.
"Eh, I think I'm an okay looking female human specimen." She says, flipping a piece of red hair off her shoulder.
My eyes widen. Did I jut say that out loud?
"Yes you did, and my hair is actually strawberry blond ass nugget. Atleast, that's what the box said."
I laugh nervously, loosing all of my previous 'chill.'
"Um, that was my friend Michael. He kinda left me here with no way to, um, get home." Somehow I sputter this out without embarrassing myself too much. What the hell is happening to me? I'm Luke Hemmings, shit like this doesn't happen to me. I don't stutter. I don't giggle. I'm a worldwide sensation.
"Well worldwide sensation, Luke Hemmings, what are you gonna do now?"
My eyes widen. Shit. I have to stop that. Not cool brain, not cool.
"Probably call a taxi."
She smiles at me. A sickeningly sweet smile. "Well I'll go outside and wait with you, you know, so you don't go around hoping anyone else turns into salad dressing." I nod and find my way out side of the house with the girl in tow, and sit on the curb out side.
Me and the girl talk for about 45 minutes until my cab gets there. We don't really talk about anything important, just small talk. I find out her name is Lexi.
Lexi was okay. Turned out she was kind of annoying and totally materialistic. Like ew.
When I turn to say goodbye to her she kisses me. Woah that escalated quickly, I thought. But she was kinda hot, and I wasn't gonna give up a chance to bone her. Fuck my rule about not boning random girls I meet a parties. I try to deepen the kiss and she opens her mouth slightly.
When I see a flash go off beside me is when I pull back.
"Oh my god! I just kissed, wait no, made out with the Luke Hemmings! This is totally going on my blog!" She yells before running back inside.
God dammit. Why does that always happen to me? Do I look that easy? I sigh before getting up and going to the cab and telling the cabi my address. Needless to say, that girl, who questioned my mayonnaise insult, was not her.
