Anti-Santa Origins

Prologue

    A loud screeching sound was heard across space. A new creature had come into the galaxy. A flying rock that was very very flat whooshed past the asteroids and planets. It was being propelled by a large, buff, hunky man. He pushed the rock through the air. He stopped every few seconds to chug from a super technologically advanced bottle of what appeared to be steroids. Back in the galaxy they came from, he ran a large steroid selling business. He captured space dust and ground it up and mixed it with super mushrooms. The resulting paste glowed an ominous red. 

    Another man, who was short and fat, watched him with hearts in his eyes. His little pointy ears and marker drawn mustache perked up every time the stronger man did something unattractive. Drool dripped from his slightly open mouth. 

    The fat man went by the name of Randy Smosh and the buff one was called Mosh Muscle. They were secretly in love with each other, even though it was super obvious to everyone.

    "MOSH!!!! KEEP PUSHING!!!!" A woman yelled.

    She was rather short and had a huge pregnant stomach. 10 more arms morphed from her side and she proceeded to slap Mosh.

    "OWCHIE!!!!! THAT HURTS!!!!" Mosh wailed in agony as he was punished. 

    "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND KEEP PUSHING!!!!" A girl in a large red robe and old wooden mask screeched at him.

    This was Anti-Santa number one. Her counterpart, Anti-Santa number two, sat beside her on the rock. She held the reins that connected to Mosh's embarrassing pink bunny onesie. She sat facing backwards to monitor Mosh's behavior. 

    What no one was aware of, was the stowaway. An old man named Billy Bob. He was butt naked and clinging to the bottom of the rock. His fingers were very obviously visible but no one noticed.

    "EVERYONE QUIT YOUR FUCKING WHINING!!!" WE'RE ABOUT TO LAND!!!!" Anti-Santa two loudly announced.

    Mosh was having trouble steering. He had somehow managed to pull out a large 3 foot tall bong. He was inhaling weed smoke out of it.

    "WE'RE ABOUT TO CRASH!!!" Randy yelled as they sped towards a giant gas ball.

    Mosh stopped the rock just in time. 

    "Phew. That was a close one." He said, eyes very very red from smoking. "Oh-oh n-n-n-no, ACCCHHHHOOOOOO!!!!" 

    Mosh sneezed very loudly and dumped his steroids all over the gas ball causing a massive explosion. And that's how the Earth and Anti-Santa's came into existence