Tadpoledrift's Mistakes

Chapter Six

The she-cat looked at herself in the reflection of a pool of water, the tadpoles and frogs had left a few days ago, but she still looked into it and wondered. Looking down at herself she set a soft paw onto her round belly as she felt movement inside. Tadpoledrift shook her head at a thought as she looked to the leader's den then looked inside her den to her apprentice.

Thinking more about it now, she guessed she was lucky that her apprentice was blind, that way Minnowpaw could never argue with her about it. Minnowpaw was more loyal to the code and her clan than any warrior, leader, or medicine cat could ever be.

Tadpoledrift sighed to herself and stood up, slowly walking out of her den and wandering over to the Elders' Den where her own mentor sat.

"H-Hey Coldcloud, could I ask you a question in private?" She padded up to the dark grey, almost black, tom.

He dipped his head to his apprentice, his scarred blind eyes closed as they always were.

"Have you.." Tadpoledrift sighed to herself and forced out the question. "Have you ever broken the Medicine Cat code before? Like, have you had a mate or even kits?" She looked to her paws then up to her mentor.

The old tom briefly had a smile on his face. "I did once, they were all beautiful beautiful warriors...but they're long gone because of me, and I'm sure you don't want to learn about them either."

He reached out a paw, setting it next to him and patting the floor.

"Sit next to me and lean on my side if you want too, I'm sure you want to talk about it more." The old tom had a kind smile on his face.

"B-But-"

"Oh don't 'but' me little lady, most cats in this den are either dead or deaf anyways." Coldcloud snarled quietly but still had a kind tone.

Tadpoledrift padded up to Coldcloud, laying down next to him as her large belly bulged outward.

"I'm just-..I feel like a disappointment to my family and the entire clan."

She looked over to her mentor, he had an odd, almost cunning, smile on his face now.

"Over what, just two little kits? C'mon this entire clan has done way worse things, me included." He rested his head down.

"Wha-what do you mean by that?"

"You mean..you saw the foxglove and holly berries as actually helping the clan and killing foxes? Did you ever even check Raggedthorn's body for any signs of poisoning or did you buy into that 'mate' of yours lies?" A tone of cynicism had washed over his voice as Tadpoledrift's fur pricked up. She had been in too much shock that night to even think to check either Raggedthorn or Evergreenstar's bodies, all she could tell was that Muddystar was lying.

"Well, I guess it's too late now to show the clan one last time that they've been lied to and bought into the propaganda that the leaders spread." Coldcloud shrugged his shoulders.

"Y-You knew about this! You knew about all of this!" She tried to sit up and hiss at him but almost fell over uneasily.

The old tom's eyes showed pain and misery, a hint of sadness seemed to go over him.

"I did what I had to do Tadpoledrift..." He sighed. "I'll tell you about my kits and mate, but please don't cry or cause you and your unborn kits more distress. I guess I should've watched my tongue but like always I didn't.."

The silver and white she-cat was shaking as she slowly lay back down again, though scooted a bit away from Coldcloud.

"I'll skip over most things to get to the most important part. I had a mate Rattalon, and I'm sure that you already know that you've only met them in starlit dreams." He sighed to himself. "We were rivals but fell in love, she was a warrior and I a medicine cat. Eventually, she became pregnant with our kits and we were overjoyed but also terrified."

He lifted his head to look to the other side of the room. "Soon the Leader, Silentstar, found out and Rattalon ran away from the clan in fear." He sighed and looked at the verge of tears. "'Luckily' Evergreenstar, then Evergreentree, came to me and proposed overthrowing the leader and killing him, saying that she'd allow my mate and kits back into the clan and make up a lie to ignore the fact that she ran away. We planned together for many nights till one sunup we took action, putting holly berries and water hemlock into his prey and taking it to him. Later the same night Evergreentree slipped into his den and took his last life, blaming it on another warrior in the clan and exiling him." Coldcloud sighed again and shuffled his paws.

"Evergreenstar did her side of the deal, allowing Rattalon back in one night and saying that twolegs stole him, also explaining the sudden pregnancy as her being mates with the tom that got exiled. Evergreenstar never let something go through, every time she thought I'd step out of line she'd hang the idea of her exposing me of breaking the code over my head, saying that she'd tell the whole clan and all the others that I had no care for clan or code but only for my kits." His claws came unsheathed as his anger came out.

"Then one day, when I tried to object to her commands, she killed one of my sons. Evergreenstar told the whole of the clan that a rogue got to him but I knew those were her claw marks. Every time I objected or spoke up after she'd threaten the lives of my mate and other son. Then I broke down, begged Rattalon and my other son to run away in the night, but she heard..." The old former medicine cat started to sob and Tadpoledrift set a paw onto his shoulder.

"I-It's okay...you don't have to tell me everything..." She quietly murmured to him.

She watched as he sat up and turned to her, blind eyes reflected his sadness and anger.

"Tadpoledrift, please promise me you'll run away as fast as you can before your kits are born..please, for the safety of not just yourself but your kits as well...."

She nodded her head quietly and looked up above her, a hole in the top of the cave but no moon shone through, it was a type night where Starclan rested and no cat could reach them, but now truly more than ever she wished to cry into her mother's fur and ask for forgiveness.