A Perfect Storm

February

A knock at the door startled Taylor out of her songwriting haze. She'd been writing more on piano, her belly making guitar playing awkward. With two months to go, she already felt like a whale, and couldn't imagine how Abigail felt, being nearly full-term, though the last time they'd gotten together, Taylor had thought her own body actually looked more pregnant. It was in the belly, she thought. Abigail looked pregnant from any angle, while Taylor was carrying entirely forward, which meant that her stomach had popped more than her friend's. So much for how you carry indicating the gender, she chuckled, heaving herself up from the piano bench as the knocking persisted. Abi and I are both having girls, but we're carrying completely differently. "Mom? Are you expecting anyone?" Taylor called into the house before remembering that her mother had gone out to lunch with friends and it was just her and a menagerie of animals. It was nice, spending time with her Mom in Nashville. Weird, after so many years living on her own, but she felt better knowing there was always someone there with her. She was even starting to get used to having dogs around, and so were the cats. Benji was weirdly enamored of Kitty, often cuddling up to her while they napped. She'd posted a pic on Instagram and it was one of the most liked of 2020 so far.

Taylor checked the camera for the front door and was shocked to see a petite woman with long dark hair holding flowers and a big shopping bag. Selena? At least that explains how you got past the gate.

"Happy Galentine's Day!!!" Selena wrapped Taylor in a huge hug. "I thought you might be feeling extra single this year, and I haven't seen my niece in months so...I thought maybe we'd spend it together."

"Jules doesn't mind sharing?" Taylor didn't want to pull her away from a potentially romantic Valentine's Day just to spend it in Nashville with her and her mom.

"She's got work stuff; we celebrated last weekend just the two of us. When I said I wanted to fly out and surprise you, she was all for it. I'm sure Abigail and Matt have big plans given how close they are to meeting their little one. I didn't want you to be alone. I know being with your mom isn't being alone, but..." Selena trailed off.

"You're the best. This is an awesome surprise! I should probably get lunch anyway, I've been in a sort of songwriting haze. Want to go out? I'm pretty sure we need groceries so I can't cook much of anything until we get them."

"You bet. And we can stop at the market after, if you want. Then that will be knocked out and if you want to write or whatever I can catch up with your mom." Selena grinned at her friend. She had plans for the evening, but that meant she, too, needed some things from the store.

The nice thing about Nashville is that if you go to the right places, no one really cares if you're famous. You can just go eat and hang out, and the next table might be Kelly Clarkson and her husband or Trisha Yearwood and a friend and no one really does anything about it. Taylor still took security with her most places. Especially now, with the baby, it made her feel better to know someone had her back, but it FELT less like a production or a photo shoot and more like lunch with a friend. And it was nice, sitting at a table in a back corner of one of her favorite restaurants, shooting straw papers into each other's cleavage, just having a meal. There was so much to catch up on, their families and music, and for once it wasn't all about the baby. Taylor hadn't really realized how much she dominated the conversation most of the time until they spent almost the whole meal talking about things that weren't her. It was only at the end that Selena asked what she was planning for the birth and where she planned to be.

"You know, since I found out I was pregnant I've always imagined being in New York. But I think I might actually do it here. That way I'll have Abi and Matt nearby, with their baby, and Mom can be at home. I still plan to raise her in the city, I think, at least the first couple of years. It's still home. But maybe the first couple of months until she's old enough to fly. Which means now I'm going to have to decorate a nursery here too. And I have to figure out if I want to do that in the condo or here." Taylor hadn't really put that into words yet, but she'd been thinking about it since she got home. She wanted to be there for Abigail, and although she knew that with her own newborn, Abigail wouldn't be there while she gave birth, she would be there after. At the moment her birth team was just her mom and the nice medical professionals, so she realized if she was going to stay, she'd have to get to know an obstetrician in Nashville sooner than later. The two months she had left before delivery suddenly seemed much shorter.

"Where did you go, just now?" Selena asked, hitting her in the face with a french fry.

"Just realizing how much I still need to do with only two months left before I meet this little girl. If I want to stay here, I have to find a whole new birth team ASAP. And the nursery..."

"Why don't I help with that? We can go pick out all the stuff to have delivered, and then we can paint it tonight or tomorrow. They make paint now that's safe for pregnancy. It could be fun. Put on music and just go nuts." It wasn't the original plan Selena had come up with for their evening, but if it would keep Taylor from stressing, it could actually be a fund way to spend the day.

They ended up buying what felt like an entire Buy Buy Baby and a few additional items from Destination Maternity that Taylor thought she needed for herself. Selena hadn't really given much thought to having kids and was shocked that they had items like birthing underwear and post-birth leggings. She'd known about nursing bras, of course, but the variety of options was sort of incredible. They finished it off in a Home Depot, picking up low VOC paint in a soft pink, and letters to spell out the name Taylor had chosen. They weren't going to hang them up until she was born, just in case Taylor changed her mind, but they wanted to have them ready to hang over the crib. Andrea did the grocery shopping and surprised both girls with dinner. They'd consulted with her all afternoon, Taylor having decided that the bigger space and lack of koi pond made her Mom's house the right place to bring her daughter home to. In fact, she planned to consult with a designer about some modifications to the condo for safety. It might finally be time to let go of the giant birdcage that her daughter could undoubtedly get her head stuck in when she got old enough to explore on her own.

"I think we should move your brother out of the room next to yours, Taylor," Andrea offered over dinner. "That way she'll be right next door when she needs you in the night. Austin doesn't spend enough time here to get dibs on it, and there's that other guest room down the hall for him. It barely has any of his stuff in it anymore."

Security made quick work of moving Austin's furniture into the proffered guest room, and that furniture into the basement for storage. It wasn't precisely what they paid them for, but they were more than happy to extend keeping Taylor and the baby safe into stopping her from trying to move it all herself. The painting party went into the night, the three women enjoying the company and camaraderie of working together. The result, they agreed, was very sweet. Light pink on the upper walls and white wood panelling below. The furniture would arrive the next day and give them plenty to do arranging it all. They couldn't remember what it was Selena said that set them all laughing, but as they doubled up with tears streaming down their faces, Taylor discovered she was now at the point of pregnancy where when she laughed, she peed a little, which only made them laugh harder.

"Oh lord, I knew the occupant of this room was going to pee their pants a lot, I just kind of assumed it would be my daughter." Taylor could only laugh. "She's really enjoying the laughter though, she's super active in there. Want to feel?"

Selena reached out a tentative hand, and Taylor placed it on her belly where she knew her daughter would kick.

"Holy shit! She's strong. I forgot how strong they are. That's crazy." Selena grinned. "And in two months, we'll get to see how strong she is, right here in this room."

"I'm glad you're doing this in Nashville. I know New York is home, but this is a good place to have a little one, I think." Andrea had gone to retrieve some towels to help clean up. "I'm so proud of you, honey."

"Thanks, mom. That might mean more after I change my pants." Taylor rolled her eyes, but she was smiling too. "I'm really glad we did this. Can y'all clean up the floor while I go change? Then maybe we can go get dessert or something."

"Sounds good, honey, Selena and I can take care of the floor and put away the painting supplies." Andrea gave her a kiss. "Go on and change."

Dressed in fresh leggings, Taylor took one last look around the room. It really did look nice, like a good place to bring her daughter home to. Now, she just had to make it through the next two months of pregnancy.

_____

Hey guys! I hope you don't mind that I pushed this back from the thirteenth to the fourteenth. Which, by the way, happy Valentine's day! I don't know about y'all, but I'm feeling extra single this year. So, I figured those of you who have someone to celebrate with can watch this later, but this might be a fun way for all of us singles to hang out together. Last night, I got to hang out with my Mom and Selena who came all the way here just to make sure I wasn't alone for Singles Awareness Day, and we painted the nursery. They delivered the furniture today, and let me tell you, as much as I love building flat-pack furniture because it's weirdly soothing, it is a truly special adventure to do it with a baby in the way. I'm so fortunate to have had them both to help, because the nursery looks awesome. The only thing I haven't done is put up her name on the wall. Partly because you never know, when I meet her, I might change my mind, but also partly because I want to show you guys her room but I'm not letting anyone know the name yet. Not even Mom knows it yet.

Oof, watch out, Kitty. Come with me upstairs, and I'll show y'all the room. Not that you really have a choice, although I guess you could stop watching the livestream if you didn't want to see it. Here it is. It's pink, like Lover. She has a couple of nurseries, and the main one, where we're going to live most of the time, actually has the sort of colorful clouds painted, like the album cover, but since this one had the panelling, I thought that might be too much going on on the walls, so I just went with soft pink. Most of the furniture, like the crib, dresser, changing table and bookshelves is new, but this rocking chair is the one Mom had in my nursery back in Wyomissing which is pretty special. She's had it in her basement all this time, hoping one day either Austin or I would want it when we had kids of our own. I decided on Classic Pooh as the theme, because I feel like that's pretty neutral, and I loved Winnie the Pooh as a kid. So there are these prints on the wall of all the characters from the books, and then I have these blankets and even a little Pooh bear towel, and all the crib sheets and things are Pooh. I don't have that many clothes for her yet, and I know I need to stock up on diapers and all that stuff, but that will all come.

Tomorrow, Abigail is hosting a baby shower for me which is kind of crazy, because she's nearly full-term, and I can get myself whatever the baby and I need, but she insisted after I held one for her a few weeks back. It seems crazy that I'm thirty weeks pregnant already. She's due in April, though I sincerely hope she doesn't come ON her due date...it's the twentieth. So, you know, before or after would probably be good. Taylor laughed. I mean, her birth month and year is probably going to be 4/20 anyway, but at least it won't be 4/20/20 like they predicted, if I get my way. Not that I'm likely to have much say in the matter. Babies come when they want.

Mom is doing well. I've been with her a lot lately, and I'm really enjoying that. It's been weird, after living mostly alone for so many years, but it's nice. I am so fortunate to have her here, and to know that I'll have her with me when I have the baby and after. Becoming a mom is so exciting but also a little nerve-wracking, just because I'm going to be responsible for a whole person. Way more stressful than cats. While I ramble, let's see if I can find a few of them. They're all here somewhere. Well, here's Kitty, which is more like a pony than a cat, but she's also become more and more attached to me the further along I get. They say dogs especially can tell when you're pregnant and Kitty seems very in-tune with that, even though she's not my dog. I'll say that the cats do seem slightly less indifferent to me than usual. They all want to sleep in my room at night now, instead of just wherever. I think that's as close to caring as they get.

Taylor reached down to scratch Olivia's ears. Finally! Here's one of the itty-bitty pretty kitty committee. Miss Dibbles, who still walks into walls, but is also pretty cuddly these days. Not as much as Benji, who more than likely is on a heating vent somewhere taking a nap. Even Mere, though, is more affectionate, which is fun. Reminds me of when she was a kitten, before the fame changed her. I hope I do a better job helping my human daughter manage it without becoming jaded than I did with my first. Well HELLO there Miss Meredith! Did you know I was talking about you? Would you like to say hi to all your adoring fans? Meredith gave a dismissing flick of her tail as she sauntered past, though she did turn an eye to the camera for just a moment, giving the fans a full view of her face. That's two. Time to find the King of Naps. Actually, that sounds nice. A nap. Growing a human is exhausting. But also food. I need that too. I haven't really had any weird pickles and ice cream type cravings. More like just absolutely having to have a particular restaurant's chicken parmesan and not being satisfied until I get it.

A-HAH! Benji! There you are. Welp, I lost the bet, he's not on a heating vent. I should have guessed the piano as my second guess. I've been writing on piano more lately, guitar isn't the easiest to play at the moment. And Benji has always loved it, since he was a kitten. I think sometimes he hopes if he sleeps here, I'll come in and play for him. There's nothing to record yet, and it will be a while before anything like an album comes together, thanks to my baby girl, so don't get overexcited. I'm always writing. A lot of it doesn't ever become more than a couple of lines in a journal or a melody in my phone. My voice memos are always filling up, I have several drives of old ones that never became songs but that had to be moved out to make way for the new ones. But know that while a whole lot of parts of my life are changing right now, music being part of it will never ever change. And I'm not going anywhere, not permanently anyway. When I think about my future with my little girl, I picture her standing side-stage in a merch shirt too big for her, blond curls going everywhere under a pair of ear-protecting headphones, watching me do what I love.

Taylor shook her head, glad the camera was still on Benji and the piano so they couldn't see the way tears sprung to her eyes at the other half of the fantasy. The less likely bit, where her mom stood behind her little girl, both of them enjoying the show. Confident she'd cleared them, she turned the camera back on herself. Thank you, again, for being here. For sticking with me when things go completely off track. Plans are still being made for this summer, and I'm sorry again that it's only a couple of dates. I know travel is expensive on top of concert tickets, so we're working together with Netflix to see if they can't host a live concert event as it unfolds, besides offering streams later. I want you all to get to be a part of it, even if you can't be there in person. So, stay tuned, because as soon as we know more, I'll let you guys know. As always, I love you so much. See you soon.

Taylor signed off, pleased with how it had gone. She never wanted her fans to feel abandoned or forgotten. She planned to take most of the time between the birth and those couple of shows to herself, posting only the birth announcement and the necessary publicity stuff for the shows. And then she planned to sign off again even longer, probably through her birthday or the end of 2020, doing only the award shows she truly wanted to attend and citing having a new baby as the excuse for skipping the rest. In 2021 she could pick it back up, having heard more than once that around one year was the sweet spot for starting to tour again as a new mom. The baby would be big enough that feedings wouldn't be as frequent, but small enough that she wouldn't be too hard for someone to watch while Taylor was working. She knew she would have to hire a nanny eventually, with her job and with her Mom's health, there weren't that many alternate options, but she hoped to have her daughter for almost a year before she had to bring in someone else. She knew it was possible that just wouldn't work, but it seemed like a good goal. She was privileged enough to at least be able to give it a shot, to be able to tell people how and when she was going to do things instead of the other way around. Might as well use it to her advantage, right?

"I'm going to do everything I can to be the best mom possible for you, little one. I know I won't be perfect, because no one is. Not even my mom got EVERYTHING right, and she's the best. But I'm going to try. Love you, baby girl."

Author's Notes:

Hello there! Long time, no see. I know for sure there will be an April chapter, not sure about a March. There are things that happen there, but I just don't know if I'll do those as Taylor thinking back on them before the April stream or if they'll get their own. Life is crazy, but when isn't it?

I made an editorial choice about portraying a rumor as reality in this story, know that I know nothing of the reality of the situation and don't follow the real-life people all that closely. It was a choice for the sake of fiction.

Thanks for reading, love you guys, go watch the The Man music video, and if you're American, make sure you're registered to vote.