why me! - thiam

vii. real life!

*Author's note: TW: Mentions of blood and sort of self-mutilation. Nothing too graphic*

Liam locked his phone and sighed. He had been re-reading the entire last conversation between him and Theo for the past few hours. He shouldn't have told him anything. The whole bet thing was destroying him. What if it ends up destroying his and Theo's friendship? What if Theo now stops hanging out with him because he's weirded out?

He started to become pissed off. Which wasn't anything knew, since Liam was always pissed off, but this time his IED really wanted to mess with his brain and undo all of the good things he has accomplished in his life. It was almost impossible to stop the train of bad thoughts that was fucking cho-choing in his mind ready to drive itself into the first wall it encounters on its self-sabotage trip.

The sound of droplets hitting the carpeted floor of his bedroom made him snap out of it all for just a second. His claws were sunken into the soft flesh of his palms, but he wasn't feeling anything. He only felt bad because he ruined his carpet. A heartbeat came into his earshot. He was home alone. Is it Theo?

Shit. He can't see Liam like this. He shouldn't see him like this. What if he thinks he had something to do with it? What if he ends up blaiming himself?

Liam took a deep breath. His mind was racing, the bad thoughts now replaced with worry and fear and... love. He loved the blue-eyed boy so much and no matter how pissed off Liam was at that moment, he didn't want him to worry. 

Gently pulling his claws out of his palms and stretching his hands, Liam tried to stop his shift. He knew he didn't have much time, since he heard noises in the kitchen and knew that he only had a few minutes, before Theo enters his room and asks him something. It was almost like a routine. It's been more than two weeks since Theo came back and Liam had already gotten used to him being there. It was really like he had never left. Only he did leave and Liam was left once again.

The train was back in its tracks. No matter how hard he thought of Theo, he couldn't push back his shift. He didn't want to destroy anything or hurt anyone. He sank his claws into his palms once again. 

The noises downstairs stopped abruptly. The sound of footsteps stomping on wooden stairs. Liam counted the footsteps, noticing that Theo was practically running up the stairs climbing two at once. He knew Theo was coming.

His bedroom door was open and in an instant Theo was next to him. Liam didn't even noticed he was crying until Theo was wiping his cheeks gently.

"What wrong? Oh, Liam, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault, I'm so sorry."

Liam eyes flashed yellow. "It's not, Theo... It's not your... fault," he managed to utter. He needed Theo to know that. He was now kneeling on the floor, not knowing how and when did he even end up there. Theo was next to him, his hand softly touching Liam's wrist. Liam relaxed his hands. 

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Liam. You won't."

Theo slid his hands into Liam's, blood warming his always cold hands. He tried not to grip him because of the wounds on his palms, but Liam grabbed onto Theo's hands as strong as he could. They just sat there, Liam trying to stop his shift and Theo trying to help him calm down. There wasn't much either of them could do. 

"What should I do? Do you need anything?"

"Theo. Please, just stay." 

And that's exactly what he did. He left almost a year ago because he was scared, but didn't even think about what Liam must've felt like getting that text. How he felt entering the guest bedroom, the room looking normal, lived in and yet so empty.