Express • Michael Clifford

Chapter 4

Dear this,

surprise surprise guess who's lonely.

can the room just take me under because I'm so paranoid.

imagine whenever you try to do something you have to think about how people will think of you, how you look and then realizing no matter what you do or how you do it nothing can make it better.

everyday, all day, always.

but I won't say.

who likes a sad person?

no one.

so I'll just fake a smile act like everything's fine because after all who really gives two shits.

yours sincerely faker aka  -Amelia.

-

I give two shits.

It's weird this feeling, I don't feel for people a lot but Amelia makes me want to.

After the brief conversation I had with those two girls the mystery of Amelia won't get out my head and it's been a week.

Part of me wants to flip to the end of the very last entry in the very last notebook, but I won't because I don't want to miss anything.

She hasn't accepted my friend request and her last post was the upload of her profile picture in February and its now October.

A part of me worries for the worst but who knows I'm sure if it was really bad those girls would have said. Wouldn't they?

Paranoid I Google it into the search bar on my phone, I know what it is but I don't entirely know.

paranoid, adjective
characterized by or suffering from the mental condition of paranoia.

unreasonably or obsessively anxious, suspicious, or mistrustful.

a person who is paranoid.

everyone gets that some just more than others and she shouldn't be afraid of that.

"Michael!!" I hear Calums voice followed by him bursting into the spare room at his house

Joy prefers me calling it my room, you see I don't have parents anymore, they left when I was 12.

They never really liked me I was a 'mistake' so one day they took me to Calums house and never came back.

"What Calum?" I ask as Calum who's holding his laptop comes over and sits next to me on the bed.

"I was scrolling down my news feed when I saw a status from a guy named Beck Islington, I remember he was at some football camp for 12-18,year olds two years ago" Calum pauses then continues.

"And well Islington isn't that Amelia's last name, soo I went onto his Facebook and sure enough it says her name by sister in his family." Calum says then stops and clicks on his laptop to wake up the screen again.

"Look at his Status" Calum adds pointing towards the screen and I look and begin to read.

'mental hospital's are almost like jail, bloody no contact rules what if I wanted to give my sister a hug?'

mental hospital? No not Amelia really? But she seems so, well, what you'd class as normal, right?

Something about her brother say 'what if I wanted to give her a hug?' makes me feel uneasy from what I've heard I believe what ever contact me was going to make was a not a friendly hug.