Sweet as Honey

⑥: Geranium

Like clockwork, Jotaro found himself back in Buccellati's office, spilling out his life's story like it was nothing. The second session was much easier than the first; he was less nervous, had a lot more to talk about, and had a boatload of questions to ask and answer.

"I staved off a panic attack for the first time... ever, actually, and it felt really good, but I don't know how to continue to get them to stop. I... I want them to stop. I like feeling like I have control over my thoughts and emotions." he blubbered on and on, encouraged by his therapist's attentive nodding. "Do you have any advice for that?"

"Well, what did you do, Jotaro? When fighting off your panic, I mean." Buccellati scribbled something down on his clipboard. "Just like you're your own greatest enemy, you're also one of the best weapons in your arsenal to fight that enemy."

"I took a deep breath, thought about all the things that were bothering me, and then tried to find solutions. It was... kinda hard, but I managed to cross off almost everything in the mental list I made."

"That's a really, really good start, Jotaro. I'm very proud of you! As for continuing this pattern... the first step is to recognize what your triggers are, and how your attacks start."

"Um... I get this really weird feeling in my chest, and it gets hard for me to breathe. Sometimes I get headaches, too. As for triggers... I dunno. They just come out of nowhere."

Jotaro heaved a sigh and leaned back in his chair. As far as he knew, anything could be a trigger for him. Overthinking, under-thinking, not thinking at all; all of it set him off, and it was a game of Russian Roulette to see when they would. There was a slight pattern, yes, but it was so negligible that it could barely be called one.

"I dunno. It feels like everything is."

"Hmm. Perhaps, and this is just me speaking from observation, you find disquiet in your perception of certain situations? In other words, when things go awry, you always blame yourself instead of looking at the bigger picture."

"...Yeah. That sounds really right."

"I see... well, we've pinpointed where the attacks start, which is good. The next step to nipping this in the bud is getting you out of that thinking pattern, and we'll do that through a simple little thought flowchart, okay?"

Jotaro could do nothing but nod. Buccellati smiled at him and pointed to one of the numerous charts on the wall, prompting Jotaro to do the same.

"Say I am a close friend of yours, and I have invited you to my birthday dinner, and you find out that the dinner falls on the same day as the day you're supposed to be leaving to visit family out of the country. What solutions do you have to this problem?"

"I could... go to the birthday dinner and miss my flight, get on my flight and miss the dinner, or—"

"Ah-ah. You only get those two. Anything else would be unnecessary thinking and lead into panic. Now, with those two options, which would you choose? Weigh the pros and cons of both."

"...Miss the dinner, I guess. If I don't go I'd feel really bad about it, especially if we were close friends, but I'd stick to my family and what I had originally planned. If I go to the dinner, I get to spend time with a friend on a special day, but miss time with my family that probably means a lot to them."

"As your close friend, I understand completely and wish you well on your travels. Perhaps I even make plans to catch up with you when you return. By giving yourself only two options when faced with a choice or difficult situation, you put yourself in a better position to think carefully and not carelessly. Does that make sense?"