The Terms of an Alpha ✔️

n i n e (m)

[dedicated to rwayne08]

Saint finally built up the nerve to call Ender over. The timing couldn't have been better. Perez was away for soccer. Technically, Perez had been out of the dorm for the past two weekends, but Saint finally felt ready now. Or at least, he thought he was, but with Ender sitting right next to him he wasn't so sure.

"Look, it's not that big of deal. I mean I guess it is. It is your first time..." Ender trailed off. Saint didn't reply. He had no idea what to even say. "Okay, so I'm clearly not making this any better. Feel free to talk at any moment, Saint." Saint let out a breath and laughed a little. It was nice to see Ender a little unwound. In a way, that was helping with his own nerves.

"I'm just nervous I'll do a bad job." It felt like a lot of pressure. He was literally losing his virginity all over again.

"This time doesn't have to reflect on any future experience. Don't worry about trying to do a good job. Honestly, don't have too high of expectations for yourself, like was your first time good?" Ender asked, absentmindedly playing with the strings of his hoodie.

"I mean as good as it could be with a girl." His sex life wasn't spectacular, but that had more to do with his lack of attraction towards his partners.

"Hmmm. Makes sense. Can I ask why you still have sex with girls?" Saint knew why, but admitting his reason felt really personal.

"I convince myself each time that I'll like it and that I'm finally normal." There. He put his truth out there.

"Saint," Ender reached out for Saint's arm.

"Not saying you're not normal. Jesus, I'm sorry. I didn't even think about what I was saying." Saint hoped he hadn't offended Ender by basically insinuating both of them weren't normal. This already seemed to be a bad idea.

"Eh, I'm not offended, but I hope you realize you are normal Saint." Saint just looked away. "I want this to be a good experience for you, but all my first times have been terrible, and I still love sex though."

"Why were they bad?" He thought talking about something else for a little would distract himself.

"Which time? When I was with a girl, she started crying about how she wanted to get back with her ex after. Totally fucked with my confidence, but I was like 15 years old. Then, when I first had sex with a guy there was blood involved and just," Ender shuddered. "It wasn't pretty." Saint knew Ender meant well, but this was definitely not helping. Blood?! Jesus. Saint didn't want to hurt him.

"Christ, Ender. Was that when you bottomed for the first time?"

"No. That was when I topped, but don't worry that won't happen today. So, honestly if you're scared you're gonna do bad. Trust me, I've done worse." That was sort of relieving.

"And your first time bottoming?"

"That was just straight up weird. He had some weird domination kink that he sprung on me as we were having sex. He also was like 5'4", which normally isn't a big deal, but like what he wanted to do and how our bodies were..." Ender couldn't find the right words. He tried making up for it with a terrible demonstration of his hands combining in all sorts of strange positions. Saint burst out laughing.

"You don't have to worry about me doing anything like that," he said between laughs. "But I don't get it."

"What?"

"Why would you wanna do this? It seems like there's no incentive for you..."

"Are you kidding, Saint? You do realize we only kissed, and I wanted more, right? Like seriously you're an amazing kisser, and then last time was awesome too. You're just so—" Ender sighed dreamily. "I don't know, Saint. It's just fun to see you unravel, and it helps that I find you hot as fuck. I guess it's just exciting to know that I'm the one who gets to first explore what Saint Daniels really likes."