h e h a d l o o k e d s o s a f e
maybe that's what had drawn her to him. he looked like the picture perfect depiction of the boy you'd want to bring home to meet your mother.
she would have sworn he was her prince.
she would have sworn that he was.
once apon a time, he wasn't.
But she would have sworn he was safe.
suddenly the sweet boy was gone.
he left only to be replaced by a beast.
a beast who spat words like fire, and lit flames that burned her, and held the water she needed out of reach—only, to drown her in it.
but he had looked so safe.
so pure.
so innocent.
so sweet.
a sweet boy.
But that boy,
gone and replaced
but not ever forgotten, in her heart he was there, only hiding, and all she had to do was fix him,
To find him.
she had to find her safe boy.
so she got involved once more and she tried to find that sweet boy.
everybody told her you can't find something that's not there.
"you don't even care about me, do you?" finally she had to ask, she was going insane with his games and his twisted words twisting her words and her mind and her soul.
"you never did, did you?"
she had to ask him once again.
Probably the last time.
But,
silence.
and that was all she needed to hear. his silence was enough of an awnser.
"you weren't always like this." she sobbed. "you used to care. i know you did"
he stared.
his life was a fucking joke and she was the punchline.
then she screamed.
she didn't know why or to who, but she screamed her rawest scream.
The pure screech of agony.
and he felt something. in that scream he heard her pain. something he couldn't see, despite the tears.
he heard her pain.
"how can you never feel anything?" she cried out, wanting to hit him but knowing she would never hurt him. "how have i made you feel nothing? why can't you just be a normal fucking human being and let yourself feel something for once in your life?"
"I LOVED YOU FOR FUCKS SAKE!"
she felt everything.
she started feeling the joy, pleasure and beauty in life when he had came in.
but he didn't.
The sweet boy didn't want to.
His beast didn't want him to.
but he was scared of feeling things.
silence.
"i used to be the sweetest boy."
he paused.
"until i found out being the baddest boy is better."
Until he found out that hurting others first before they could hurt him, was
better—
he even wanted her to hate him, he wanted her to leave him alone so he could go back to not feeling things,
but he didn't think she was even able to hate him.
she wasn't.
the boy knew he couldn't.
she was the only person who'd ever been able to make him feel.
"and i thought i could change you." she scowled, her tears drying along with her hardening heart.
"i really did. i thought maybe i could help and i ended up loving you and chosing you over and over again.."
Even after the silence the deafened her, she'd always come back to him to hear it once more.
"i hate that i tried to force a 'we'. we'd never work out."
The "us" was just an "I" because there never was a "we"
"You didn't love me. You loved the thought of having me.
—it hurts even more because i also did"
The boy's heart stung.
it stung, for the first time in an eternity,
it hurt again.
"My boy, you were never mine, were you?"
she was leaving now. she wanted to forget she ever knew this beast of a man who was breaking her slowly. she turned back to him.
"are you satisfied, though, 'baddest boy'?
are you satisfied with how broken you've made me?"
silence.
"you are not a sweet boy."
silence.
it was like that the entire time she was leaving.
The boy was silent.
The beast was loud
—but the boy was silenced by it.
it was like that after she left.
he sat, silent.
until he cried.
he cried his apologies for months on end.
honestly, he was just breaking behind his nonchalant facade °
he broke
And so did his beast
So did his facade
she tried to forget she knew who he was, but when she left,
he felt things more often.
and one day he realized he needed her.
he needed to feel things.
hardening his stone heart was not worth it,
because it all just erodes in the end.
Now that the beast was gone,
she recived a message
the title at the bottom that was written in red ink —would never quite cease to make her feel things.
but what it said made her feel more things than she could have imagined. the message only said
" i know we will be alright.
i'll try again.
-sweet boy "
