Among the Enemy (Ryden)

Nothing Worse

The three guys had been in the hospital wing for hours and had barely done anything. Someone did come in complaining about a cough and a headache, so Brendon learned where the cough drops and aspirin was kept. Ryan was at the desk hunched over a notebook when no one was here.

Brendon and Dave were in the middle of the room at different ends of a short table. Dave had his hands propped up in the shape of a goal post. Brendon had a paper football pressed between the table and the tip of his index finger. His tongue was sticking out the side of his mouth in concentration.

"You got one shot. Don't blow it," Dave teased. Brendon took a breath and flicked the paper. He watched it hit the side of Dave's index finger and bounced to the side. Dave threw his hands up in victory. He laughed and pointed at Brendon.

"You suck." Brendon crossed his arms and pouted.

"I don't suck." Dave tilted his head and raised his eyebrows.

"Well," he said with a grin. Brendon's jaw dropped. He picked up the little paper football and threw it at Dave. It hit the man's neck and he only chuckled at the attack.

"You nasty bastard." Dave shrugged and fell over laughing.

"What's so funny?" Dave sat up quickly at the voice and Brendon's body went rigid. His back was to whoever was standing at the door, so he couldn't see who walked in, but he could recognize the voice easily.

"What do you want, Kenny?" Brendon heard Ryan speak up. The annoyance was evident in his voice. Brendon turned in his seat to see potentially the most hated man in this building. 

"Just wanted to check up on the," he paused and glanced over at Brendon, "new recruit."

"He's doing great. Fast learner. You can go now," Dave chimed in. Kenny smirked.

"I'm sorry. Am I getting in your way or something?" Kenny's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Yes, we're very busy." Dave's voice stayed firm. Kenny looked around the empty room then back at Dave.

"Clearly." He shifted his gaze to Brendon and didn't bother with the other two men in the room. Brendon kept his head low as he stared at his lap. He tried not to fidget under Kenny's eyes.

"Zack said that I'll be able to take Klaus to help me with a few errands I need to run. It give me more leadership experience and help him get familiar with what we do around here." Brendon wasn't able to hold in his gasp as he gave Dave a side glance.

His eyes were wide with fear and he was pretty sure he forgot how to breathe entirely. His mind was racing with different scenarios, all ending very very badly, involving Kenny.

"But since you guys seem to be jam packed with time at the moment, I'll just take a ring check." Kenny had on this smile that made Brendon's skin crawl. Ryan and Dave were shooting Kenny death glares as he turned and left the room.

Brendon's breathing reflex kicked back in, but it was working in overdrive his time. His body shook as he was on the verge of hyperventilating. He felt an arm wrap around him and immediately fell into the embrace.

"You're okay. There's nothing to be worried about," Dave spoke in a soft voice. Brendon shook his head. Of course there were things to be worried about. He had to worry about everything at this point. He was a gay man that was going to be left alone with one of the leaders of the antigay movement. His secret was at risk. He could be killed.

"It's okay," Dave continued, rubbing the side of his arm.  Brendon looked up at him.

"I can't be alone with him." Brendon's voice was weak, exposing his vulnerability. Dave's eyes were filled with pity for Brendon, but he didn't response. "Dave, I c-can't." His eyes began to water. His eyes stayed on Dave, but his mind wandered to unpleasant places.

"I don't know how much longer I can do this," he mumbled. It was hard living this lie and it had only been a day. Brendon couldn't image how much longer he would need to keep the charade up. Dave still didn't respond, not sure how to console Brendon. He only kept a protective hold on the boy.

Brendon turned when he felt a hand on his knee. Ryan was squat down in front of him with a reassuring hold on his knee. Brendon let his eyes run over the boy's soft features; the comforting smile pulling up the left corner of his lip, the subtle rosy color of his cheeks, the soothing gaze from his hazel eyes.

Without intending to, Brendon felt his breathing slow to a normal pace. His face flushed at the fact that this was the second time today Ryan calmed him down. Something about him just eased Brendon's worries so effortlessly.

Ryan's hint of a smile briefly widened when he noticed the boy's now calmer state. Brendon felt his stomach flip at that glimpse of a bigger smile.

"You won't be alone, Bren," Ryan whispered just loud enough for him to hear. "I wo- we won't let you be alone anymore. I promise you'll always have us, so you don't have to be afraid of going through this all by yourself."

Ryan's hand moved and grabbed Brendon's. Without thinking, Brendon intertwined their fingers. He probably shouldn't have, but Ryan didn't pull away. He took a calming breath as Ryan continued.

"Whatever Kenny wants you to help him with, just know that if something happens, we'll be by your side in a heartbeat. You are not alone. Okay?" Brendon nodded slowly.

Ryan gave Brendon's hand a squeeze. He kept his eyes on the boy in front of him, worried that he'll freak out again if he let go of his hand or looked away. He wasn't complaining though. He stayed in his position, serving as Brendon's anchor. 

˜˜˜

That night, Brendon laid in bed staring at the ceiling. Dave and Ryan had fallen asleep a while ago. He looked over to see Ryan nestled in Dave's arms. Brendon pushed away the sense of jealousy he felt. He knew why Dave would hold Ryan. It was nothing romantic and even if it was, it shouldn't bother Brendon. It's not like he was dating Ryan.

He turned over to face away from the two. He let out a tired sigh and shut his eyes. His mind began flooding with everything Ryan. He could picture the boy's eyes, smile, hair, the way he hunches over his notebook when he writes. Ryan's this. Ryan's that. How Ryan...

Brendon rolled onto his stomach and buried his face into the pillow. He'd known Ryan for a day and couldn't stop thinking about him. He couldn't help feeling this weird comfort and trust for Ryan since they first spoke.

Now, it felt like an obsession. Actually, it felt like more than that. Brendon only had a few moments with just him and Ryan, but he wants more. It's like he's craving something he hasn't even completely had yet, but he knows he'll love it.

He wants it so bad. It's like an addiction of some sort, but worse. It's worse than drugs or alcohol. Ryan was... he's... he's worse than...

Brendon groaned into the pillow. He spent the rest of the night wrestling with his thoughts so he could get some sleep. Eventually, he was able to doze off, but his thoughts still followed him into his dreams.