Heronstairs: A Fluff Collection

Maybe

Maybe it was the first moment he saw him. The way Jem had not backed down from Will's sarcasm and cruelty, but had stood his ground politely. Stubbornly. The way Jem handed his dagger to Will without hesitation, asking to train with him.

The way Jem showed off his (far superior) throwing skills just enough to get Will's attention but nowhere near enough to be aggravating.

The way he'd accepted Will's threat of using him for target practice with a smile and faintly sarcastic remark.

The way sparks flew when their hands brushed.

Will shook his head. It hadn't been that time, they'd been too young for it to be love, at least at the depth he felt it now. Then when had it been?

Maybe it was the first time he had heard Jem play the violin. The first time he had really seen true emotion in Jem, or at least in Jem's music. The first time Jem had played the notes of his soul and the song of his heart and wanted Will to hear it.

The first time Will had seen that the violin left a gentle mark on his throat. The first time his hand had been shaking slightly when he finally opened his eyes and stared at Will, waiting for a reaction. Hoping.

The first time Jem had blushed when Will had asked who it had been written for.

Will sighed, exasperated. He didn't think it had been that night either, when he'd truly fallen for Jem. Then, by the Angel, when was it?

Maybe it was the first time they had truly trained together. Will had noticed little things about Jem that day- little things he adored now. He saw that Jem was so slender he almost looked fragile... Until you saw him fight. He saw the hard cording of muscle stretched taut over Jem's willowy frame. He saw how Jem was that annoying quarter of an inch taller.

He saw how strong Jem's life had made him already, at twelve years old.

He saw the way Jem's eyes danced when Will did something right. He saw the force with which Jem held his shoulders to a straight line, ill or healthy. He saw how one wrong breath could cast that pride from him.

He saw how fragile strength was, in its own way, that day.

Will groaned, frustrated. Good God, this was important. Why couldn't he figure it out? That hadn't been it either.

Maybe it was when he saw how far his expansive kindness reached. He could feel it- everyone around him could.

The gentle aura of acceptance to everyone. The heart-melting smile he offered. The bright sound of his laughter. The way Jem could make anyone feel at ease. The ease with which he lit up a room. The sweet, giving nature of his soul.

The blush and the modest refusal he would give if told anything good about himself.

The secretive little smile that was for Will and Will alone.

Will paced the library, borderline insane from trying to figure this out. He didn't think it was quite then, either. But when in God's name had it been?

Maybe it was when Will first heard Jem tell him not to look for a cure because he didn't want him to get hurt.

Maybe it was the first time Jem had broken down and needed Will to hold him and save him.

Maybe it was all the times Jem had done that for Will.

Maybe it was when Will saw how Jem could still smile when he was dying.

Maybe it was when the stubborn fool had insisted on pausing to save the cat.

Maybe it was when Jem had stood up to Gabriel Lightwood for him in front of everyone, before Will even had a chance to react.

Maybe it was when Will had snapped at him and he'd still been there the next morning.

Maybe it was when Will truly thought he had lost him and had to think how painful that was.

Maybe it was...

The object of Will's wandering thoughts slipped into the library and wrapped gentle arms around his waist, kissing his cheek before whispering in his ear. "What are you thinking about?"

"I was trying to figure out when exactly I fell so desperately in love with you."

A raised eyebrow. "Oh? And what have you concluded?"

"I was trying to find one instance when you made me fall for you, but I couldn't. I couldn't find just one because every moment I ever spent with you, every new thing I discovered about you, every word you ever spoke, every emotion I ever saw you feel, every moment since you walked into my life has only increased my love for you."

Maybe it was everything he'd thought of, everything he hadn't, and every breath in between.

Maybe he was overthinking things- maybe it was simply James Carstairs being himself.

Maybe.