I experienced something that I get embarrassed but God helped me and I felt the grace of His loving kindness. Today, I have learned to be quiet and be still and not worry. I was reading the Holy Bible in public, because I truly desire to strengthen my spirit. We are in a hospital today. I usually have this struggle about another spirit seemingly angry at me and makes me utter words and make expressions that are outside my will. That is why, I am really a weird person. I try to overcome it by being optimistic and trying to sing the best that I can, to express my spirit enlivening and gleeful. I always desire to be an overcomer and not sulking in, with the struggle I have. I told God that I am having difficulty but I will try to be strong. What I want is even when He desires to chastise me, I hope that I can have fortitude. To be honest, I told God that I will try my best to gain strength. Because, my personality is, I don't yell, I don't curse, I don't speak cuss words. That is why it hurts my spirit when the other spirit has ability to speak through me and and say ill. Today, I was looking for my phone all over my bag, and I did not find it easily and I was yelling because of frustration. I have shouted, I was furious speaking loudly in public that as if I was talking to the thief. That He got to be shy to God for stealing. Then, when I got calmed, the woman guard and another woman came to me and comforted me. I hugged the woman and told her that I am going through something tough (that is why, as my phones are precious to me, I don't want to lose them because they are my source of strength and encouragement..) it felt that I blurted out my pains. Because to be honest, the unique struggle that I have gives me discomfort. My mom would always tell me 1 John 4:4, and I believe that so much. But, Whenever it attacks me, it feels like as if God is distant. When He can just speak His word and I will be healed. I don't want to be sulking in. But I don't seem to weigh what is less hard or more hard in the divine tests that I have. To be honest, the Bible words that are planted in my heart are the true hope for me that I can be confident in God. Because the truth is, as an artist, I am always sensitive to the hardship that I see on others, there are children stricken with sickness and my compassion compels me to pray. And that is good and beneficial for my soul. I see stories of soldiers going to battles being in hellish situations that is why we experience their gift of peace for us to live heavenly. There are those people who are addicted to drugs and needs to be free from bondage. There are those families that needs to know about God's care so that they will feel the beginning of World Peace when it starts in a family. There are those children longing to be embraced. To be kissed. To have a loving home. There are those people who toil and have so much need to make up for meals that they can't afford. There are just so much that God is so concerned about. And I thought, I am thankful because God seems to train me in this unique pain, to equip me to do good work. I have always longed for good works. Because I want my faith to come to Life. As book of James would reiterate. I am thanking God for His Love. I am heartfelt sorrowful and I cried to even speak like as if God doesn't love me. As it seems like He is distant. Then.. I realized, I was the one distant. I needed to strengthen my Spirit so that the adversary can't attack me. I was the one away from the Word. It would seem that talking to God as casual conversation and especially kneeling in front his Holy images and pray in secret. I thought it would be enough. But, the truth is, I need so much diligence because it seems like He wants to use me. And the only means that I can really be fulfilled is when I am polished like diamond yielding to His Will and Power. I love God's Holy Spirit,He is my everything. Our everything.
I hope in this spiritual walk that I do, I pray that I can hear God's voice and fill me with wisdom. My heart and soul is yearning so much for His wisdom. An old woman was at the store and she bought an oil for massage and the counter were busy, another went free and I came in after I caressed the old hunchedback elderly woman trying to comfort her. Good thing I was corrected by the counter man named Ryan. He courteously asked the old woman to get to him. I am glad that He noticed. That is why I need wisdom, because I want every movement that I do has a good intention and result. I thought of the woman to be prioritized but as I used to do go to the counter, I all of a sudden disregard the need for courtesy. I was thankful. Wisdom in such moments are very valuable. I wish I did massaged the woman's knee, the looks on her face seems she is in pain. But she managed to brim with her beautiful face smiling at me. That moment, it felt like I saw the mother Mary.
Wisdom... I am truly hungry for more of Him. The knowledge of God will make my Life transformed and along the process of growth I wish to be qualified among all of us who can bring heavenly experience to everyone.
I found out that today it is the gift of encouragement that I have as spiritual gift. I met a new friend at the ministop store and started a conversation about if he heard about The Feast? There is the feast in Cavite as He said. Then I was gleefully tell him that there is! Here in the SM Mall in Manila.
He got interested to even further talk about the church as Brother Bo Sanchez inspires us about his good character why we are drawn to The Feast.
I know how the struggles of being a student that is why, I try to draw angels with Bible scriptures and with an invitation to the church. Whenever I do that, I invite them to Worship and when we are part of worship in a community we feel Heaven.
It is like as if, I have an achievement to bring them to Heaven, while we enjoy God's gift of Life on Earth.
Help me Learn Life.
I need Wisdom.
That is why my regard to spiritual teachers are very precious for me.
I will read the Bible again.
Thank you for listening to me.
