Nightfall

You Are Not Old, but Please Retire

The most powerful man in the world raised his head and looked at Eldest Brother. He said warmly, “Could I ask, Mr. First, that if you were me, what would you choose to do?”

Eldest Brother did not fall silent or smile. Instead, he looked at a tree in the Winter Courtyard silently, as if he was thinking about what had happened to him many years ago. He said, “If I were you, I would have killed as many as I could.”

Xia Hou laughed out loud when he heard his reply. “Hahaha, Mr. First, you are a person of high status, and you have the backing of Headmaster of the Academy. Would there be anyone who would dare disrespect you in this world?”

Suddenly, his expression calmed and he said coldly, “But I am just a member of the Devil’s Doctrine, and my sect had long been destroyed. I am a dog that had lost its home… and became a dog to another household. I had only one choice.”

“It is difficult to be a dog too.”

Xia Hou adverted his gaze and struck the table lightly with his fingers. He said, “Dogs have owners, and while I look like a strong dog that can bite anyone I want, I do not know who my owner is.”

“I am a visiting professor at the West-Hill Divine Palace. I am the general of the Tang army. I cannot betray either the Divine Hall or the Tang empire. So what benefits can I bring to them?”

“I can only continue fighting and conquering. I have gained territory for the Tang empire and destroyed enemies so that the emperor will not suspect me. I have to listen to the secret orders of the Divine Hall at the same time and help them settle issues within the empire that they cannot so that they will continue to trust me.”

“Living like this is really miserable. His Majesty would not trust me fully and the Divine Hall kept me at arm’s length. Meanwhile, disciples of the Enlightenment Doctrine like Tang wanted to kill me. That’s the first thing they will do when they enter this world.”

“I am a traitor. I became a traitor the moment I left the Front Gate. From this side of the river to the other one and then turned back. This isn’t the switch between light and darkness but the attempt made by the darkness to continue living in the brightness of the light. It pants and searches in the light for hope and a chance to live on.”

“Sometimes, I think that death is not what is truly scary. What is scary is the past that weighs down on your back. The past that you do not want people to know about. When you carry the past for too long, they begin to grow on your body and in your heart. There is no way to lighten that burden, and you can only dream of pulling them out of yourself.”

“We always have to look forward. It was obvious that His Majesty didn’t want to use me anymore when he sent the Academy to the frontier fortress to practice. If there is no use for a dog, it could be killed anytime. I have only managed to stay alive in the Central Plains for so many years and attained my position through many struggles. I do not wish to be killed.”

“How can I avoid being killed? I can only do that if I’m no longer a dog. How can I stop being a dog and become the owner of that dog? You have to have power. Many say that I, the general, am the most powerful man in this world. However, you know very well that this power is but just a power of the world and is not anything special. I still have a chain tied around my neck.”

“That was when I thought of the Tomes of Arcane. I wanted to gain power that is not of this world. I want to break that chain and not have to struggle between the two shores of the river and gain true freedom.”

Eldest Brother and Ning Que did not interrupt his long speech, but listened silently. They heard the muddled history and they listened to the general’s recounting of his hidden anger and resentment, and they listened to the struggles that not many knew of.